Beautiful in Jada

12: Nightmare

"You were so lucky to be with me," a familiar voice said behind me. I was startled and twirled around to find Hector, my exe. What was he doing out here.

"This is none of you business," I snapped. He let out of a loud snort. He was always so arrogant.

"Cutie, I'm just here to send a reminder.  I'm not shocked he left. Not many people can put up with you," He said. I rolled my eyes and pushed him away from me. I began to walk away, I just need to go home, and everything will be fine. I thought I could keep myself in check, but tears were already spilling out of my eyes. I couldn't shake the fact that I was no one's first choice. It was easier to ignore me, to overlook me, to gloss over me than to actually bother to care. I wasn't even that pretty.
I looked around, standing in my living room. My dad had a drink in his hand as he stumbled into the house. My mom had begun arguing with him. I didn't even see the point. He didn't care, though. Gambling away everything we had to get his fix was the most important thing.

"You're so stupid!" he yelled at her. My body tensed, trying to ignore them. I stared at the TV as it mindlessly played a show.

"Ugly bitch, leave me the hell alone!" He exclaimed as he threw the beer bottle in his hand on the floor. My mom sighed loudly and began to clean up the mess as he stepped away. No matter what he called her, she never left. I'm over it! I felt the tears coming out of my eyes, my frustration boiling over. All of this is too much! I can't be here anymore! I'm not wanted anywhere, by anybody! I can't stand this white noise and constant rejection. The lack of freedom, the constant doubt.

"Amore mio," I heard around me. the voice sounded so familiar. Who is talking. I looked around, unable to find anyone around me.

"Jada," I heard, the voice clear.

**

"Jada," Alessio said close to me as my eyes shot open, and I sprang upright. I looked around, feeling this level of anxiety still present. Unexpectedly, I let out a sob, confused by my feelings. A firm and warm embrace covered my back and held me tight. It was Alessio. He wrapped his arm around my waist and hips. He held me oh so close, his legs beside me. I could feel his head nestle on my upper back and shoulder, close to my neck, but not deep within. His beard pricked against me. I was unsure what to do as the memory from the dream, it was unclear. It has been in my mind and then left, like it never existed. I was left with confusion and unexplained tears and pain. I could only remember bits and pieces. Alessio held onto me tight. It had felt real, like real things people had said to me, played back again. The reality of my home life being absolute shit.

It took a few minutes to calm down. Alessio didn't say a word. I could feel his breath against me. His stayed calm and steady, never once wavering. I felt like tangled yarn. Everything was twisted all wrong so fast. It had me feeling crazy and unstable. The silence had blanketed the room, nether one of us said anything. He never let me go or loosened his grip. I stayed so close to him, I actually enjoyed the firm embrace. Alessio always seemed cold and calculated, yet in this moment, he knew to cuddle and comfort me. Having someone help me calm down from a feeling I would have trouble with on my own was reassuring.

I felt safe. I felt safe and secure with him. I had never really felt like this for anyone. I had nothing to worry about or fret, I was safe. My eyes began to get heavy as I relaxed into his body. I just felt so tired and I couldn't fight it anymore. I found myself drifting back to sleep.

I lifted my eyes from the haziness of sleep. I was alone, I could tell he wasn't there anymore. I had wished he had waited till after I woke up. The more time I spent with him, the more entangled my brain became between love and hatred. The hatred in this moment felt more like distaste right now.