To heal is to feel

The start of something new

I stare at the back of Carmens head. Her long , dark brown hair swaying side to side in a soft way. It's been two days since we've left the broken down shed and in those two days we've hunted together while we shared things about each other. She didn't get personal and I didn't  either.

She didn't push me too.

Which I found odd but didn't voice my concerns about it to her. I could tell she was different. To the way she hunts down to how she is as a person. She's taught me how to use her bow but refused to let me kill with it. So , she gave me a knife from her bag and told me to use it only for killing walkers. I didn't mind.

I wasn't killing animals anyways. She did.

I look from her waving hair to the rope of squirrel and birds she had draped around her waist. Reminding so much of Daryl. I miss him. I miss them all. I haven't told Carmen of them because she hasn't asked. Weird person. She's taught me skills and I've had nothing to repay her with.

Except if looking over alfalfa counts as a repayment.

I see Carmen step out of the woods and look up at something. I steps out as well and I go to her side. My eyes grow ten times bigger at the sight in front of me. A huge building with a lot of windows in rows , around it is a huge metal fence with walkers tied to wooden poles and some on the fence.

"What the fuck is this?" I voice my question in a calm, collected manner. Much different to how it sounded two days ago. Carmen has a way that you can't help but be calm around her. And I can't help it.

"This is home. Your new home." She says the last prt in a mumble like she doesn't want to jinx it. Why?

"Will they let me stay?" I ask and look up at her with one hand on alfalfa's panting  head. She looks down  at me before quickly looking back up.

"You remember everything I taught you these pst few days?" She ask me and I nod once, " Good." Is all she says before she suddenly whistles a ringing whistle. Not five seconds later ,I see a few men bust through a door in front of the fence.

We step out further. And their eyes snap towards Carmen, then me. A troubling feeing set inside my chest. But I ignored it when Carmen waved her arms up and pointed to the gate. The first man, who had the deepest scowl of all walked down the steps first. I studied him.

First, I liked at is body language. His arms seemed tensed but his shoulders were relaxed. The bat he carried was brought up in a swing and placed on his right shoulders. He's a righty. I'd don't forget I see the sharp wire wrapped around it.  His hips swayed in a slight motion as he stopped in front of the gate. Just feet away from us.

I feel Carmen grab my hand but see the guys eyes narrow at them. I could tell that he didn't show feeling because his eyes showed confusion but his face showed nothing. There was two men behind him and two women.

"Well, look who it is. Thought you ran off, Carmen." His voice is light but stern at the same time. He doesn't look at me , only her. I hear Carmen sigh before she tugs me along with her to the very front of the gate. I look up at her to see her face emotionless.

Different from moments ago.

"Why would I ever do such a thing?" She says in a sarcastic but light voice. Like she was being wary around this man's presence, so I would be too. The guy chuckles before making a clicking sound. A man behind him opens the gate fully before moving in between the guy and us.

"What you got?" The guy says, I watch his mustache move along with his mouth.

"See for yourself." Carmen says before letting my hand go momentarily and shoving the bag into the mustache's arms. He gives Carmen a fake smile which makes my stomach more uneasy.

I go to grab Carmen's hand again but I feel myself being dragged away from her by the hoodie of my jacket. A yelp leaves my lips  as I claw at the guys hands. I look up at him to see him giving me a stare colder than Shane's which makes me shrink away from him until he pulls me closer to himself.

"What the hell is this?" He says as he points down to me. I look up at Carmen for help but she just nods from me to the guys hand. I get the message immediately and bring my hand up and twist his hand  before jerking it back to his side harder than she taught me yesterday. This causes him to step back in shock and pain.

"Lanna." I hear Carmen say and look towards her to see her gesturing towards her side. I nod while running to her side once more. I feel her pat my back slowly as if to say 'I'm proud of you'

"That is a Lanna. She's staying." Carmen says from above with an amused grin  as the man rubs his wrist with a deepening scowl. I see the four behind him bring  their guns towards me and I step back behind Carmen in fear.

"Stop! It's a kid for Christ sake!" I hear the man yell and peek my head out from Carmen's back to see alfalfa in attack stance in front of me and Carmen. I also look on as the man brings his hand up that I twisted and how the four immediately dropped their guns. Except for one. Mustache guy.

"I said... stop." The guy says as he looks coldly to the mustache guy. There's a pause before he drops the gun and kneels before the guy. What the fuck?

He's the leader.

But what's the shit with the kneeling?

"You learn that from her." I hear him say in a different voice. It was lighter but still had that hard tone  to it. I look up at Carmen to see if I could tell the truth. She nods and I look back at him before nodding twice.

"Come here kid." He says as he brings a finger up and gestures from me to him. I look up at Carmen for an answer , again - "Don't look at her. Come here." I hear him say again and somehow, I seem to listen to him and walk towards him with out thinking.

When I'm standing right in front of him he bends down and places a tense hand on my shoulder and I freeze. His eyes cold starring off into mine that I hope mirrored his. There a silence while we have a stare off. What was he doing?

After a while his eyes flutter and I see his deep scowl slowly turn into a soft smile.

"Your names Lanna, girl?" He ask me and I nod. He sticks out a hand while he stands to his full height, slowly. He was like a tall flower that casted a shadow over me. "Hi, I'm Negan."

I hesitate before grabbing his hand and feeling its roughness. I feel my own deep frown slowly lift into a smile as I look up at him. Theres a feeling that flashes through his eyes. I could see it but I don't speak on it.

"Negan." I taste his name on my tongue. Cool name.

I look back at Carmen, expecting her to be relieved that her leader has accepted me. But, boy was I wrong. Her eyes held a mixture of worry and something else as they glazed over. Why?