To heal is to feel

Cruel emotions

I end up in Daryl's tent, under his covers. Listening to him outside as he sharpens his knifes. He didn't ask any questions when he found me here. Which I knew he wouldn't do, that's why I came here.

he did leave the tents flaps open. Allowing the soft breezes of wind to enter the tent and hit my face in a calming matter.

"Lanna." He whispered for the hundredth time which makes my eyes roll. I don't know why.I don't know why he keeps calling my name every few minutes, maybe it's because he thought I was going to do something to myself. Maybe I was.

No, I couldn't.

"Daryl." I whispered back for the hundredth time. After that he didn't say anything and the calming silence fell over our camp again. I shoved my head under the sheets when I felt my eyes and nose burn for the hundredth time today.

A sob left my throat again. I bit into Daryl's blanket to stifle the noise. The tears fell again on my moist face. I stopped feeling the swallowing depth in my chest a while ago... now I'm just crying.

It feels terrible.

I feel terrible.

Why do we, as humans, have these cruel emotions?

Leaves outside crunch loudly. Alarming me that someone was coming towards Daryl's camp. I wipe my eyes but still hide my face in his covers.

I didn't want anyone to see me.

"Moving to the suburbs. Listen, Beth is in some kind of catatonic shock. We need Hershel." It was Lori who said.

Beth fell into shock. Hershel's missing?

"Yeah. So what?" I hear daryl say lowly. His knife sharper sounding louder than before. Leading me to believe his doing the noise out of distraction or because he doesn't want me listening in on the conversation.

Probably both.

"So I need you to run into town real quick. And bring him and rick back. Daryl?" Lori questions after a moment of silence. Ricks gone to look for Hershel in the town.

They could be in trouble if Lori is panicking like this.

Well, she always kind of  panicking, isn't she?

"Your bitch went window shopping. You want him? Fetch him yourself. I got better things to do." Daryl says rather rudely.

"What's wrong with you? Don't you be so selfish." Lori calls him out

"Selfish? Listen to me, olive oil. I was out there looking for that girl every single day. I took a bullet and a arrow in the process. Don't you tell me about getting my hands dirty!" He yells at her.

He does have a point though.

"You want those two idiots? Have a nice ride. I'm done looking for people." He says before a very loud silence is filled through tour the whole of his camp.

I hear the crunching of leaves get smaller and realize that she's gone.

I slowly pull the covers off of me and push myself into a sitting position. I sway  side to side a little when a feeling of dizziness takes over me. Wow.

I let out a grunt as I pull myself up.

I walk out into the sun and it takes my eyes a while to adjust.

When they did, I couldn't take my stare off of daryl. He looked so sad.

"Wha?" His voice spits out rather aggressively. I know he's just trying to hide the sadness but I could feel it radiating off of him.

"I could feel your sadness from here. It's comforting don't worry." My mouth moves before I think about it. That seems to happen a lot now a days.

He stops his motions and slowly looks up at me.

I swallow down nothing to realize that my throat was completely dry. Just how long was I laying down?

"Got any water?" I ask, stretching my arms up into the sky. I hear him let out a hum and point to the water next to him.

Oh.

I slowly walk towards him and sit down in front of him. Reaching out and taking the water. Muttering a quite thank you before chugging the half full water bottle down.

"Your getting me more." Is all he says before going back to his knife.

"Sure.Don't you think it's sharp enough?" I ask him, looking at the grip he has on the knife before staring at the pieces of his eyes I could look at. He had his head down to the ground.

"Are Rick and them really stuck in a town?"I ask him a question again, he nods.

"Daryl I'm hungry." I say , and it's the truth. But I wanted him to talk to me. I'm not usually the one to keep a conversation going.

He huffs before standing up and going to his tent, and coming out with a bag filled with dried up oranges.

"Can you-" I begin to say but he cuts me off when he sits back dow infront of me and takes his bag of dried up oranges.

He takes one out and begins to peel it quickly. Like he is trying to get rid of something. Of me.

He hands me the peel orange before  pointing to the house.

"Go bother Carl." Is all he says before he goes back to sharping his knife. I don't take it personal. It's kind of how he is.

"Okay." I say before standing up, popping a peeled slice of a range into my mouth. I see the form of someone near the house.

It looked like Lori.

She was walking towards a car with a gun in one hand and a map in the other. I walked faster.

"Lori." I call out her name when I'm a few feet behind her. She spins around with a shallow look.

"Lanna. How are you feeling." She says with a hint of kindness in her voice. I smile kindly up at her before nodding

"Fine. Where are you going?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest with a knowing look. I know where she's going. "I wanna come with you. Please." I add

"No. Rick will kill me and it's dangerous Lanna. Just go into the house and keep Carl company." She opens the drivers door

I need to leave. Just for a bit.

"If you don't let me come I will scream so loud that even Daryl will hear. Then you can't go. Do you really wanna risk it. Don't you want to find Rick." I felt bad but I needed to go.

She freezes with her hand on the drivers door.

"Lanna that's not very nice-"

I cut her off and pretend to take a deep breath and also pretend to start a scream. As soon as I open my mouth she shushes me panicky.

"Just get in the car." She says before closing her door. I pop a orange into my mouth and run to the other side, fear that she'll drive off with out me, and hop into the passengers side

"I meant the back seat." She says as I close the door and shrug my shoulders.
—-

"Is this like a road trip?" I ask as I look out at the passing trees on the side of the road. The sun was setting.

"Kind of ... yeah." She says as she tries to open the map while driving. That's not safe at all.

"Then this is officially my first field trip. It's ... okay." I say as I jump slightly in my seat. I look over at Lori to see something in her eyes that wasn't there a moment again.

"Really?" She asks in a quiet tone, I nod.

There's a silence before she tosses the map to me.

"Help me and open the map for me." She says and a small smile tugs on my lips at the thought of her wanting my help.

I eat my last piece of orange and focus on the different colored lines on this map. What the hell is a freeway?