To heal is to feel

What I think

"Everybody takes a weapon" Rick says as he lays out the same set of weapons Carl had wrapped in his arms hours ago

"These aren't the kind of weapons we need. What about the guns?" Andrea says, Lori reaches for a weapon from the display

"We've been over that. Daryl, rick and I are carrying. We can't have people popping of rounds every time a tree rustles." Shane explains from besides me, sounding quite a booted of Andrea and her gun obsession

"It's not the trees I'm worried about." Andrea then says, I hear Shane sigh in deeply,

"Say someone fires at the wrong moment, a herd happens to be passing by. See, then it's game over for all of us. So you need to get over it." Shane says, walking off towards where we are gonna start walking from

"The idea is to take the creek up about five miles, turn around and come back down the other side. Chances are she'll be by the creek. It's her only landmark." Daryl explains the plan before walking off as well

I see Glenn take a liking to one of the weapons he holds up, his face supporting a slight grin. I let out a chuckle but cover my lips as he walks past me so I will go unnoticed.

"Stay quite and stay sharp. Keep space between you but always stay within sight of each other." Rick explains from in front of me before walking towards Dale with Carl and Lori with him

"Everybody assemble your packs." Shane says as he walks past me, I look towards a sweaty t dog since he was standing next to me with a concerned look

His arm was cut deeply when he was trying to hide from the herd passing through, luckily daryl found him and helped him out before he became walker food.

I think everybody needs a daryl on their side. To help them out.

"Are you alright t dog? I could get you a water." I say as I look from him to the rv besides me, he just chuckles and shakes his head softly

"Thanks but I'm alright young lady, just be safe out there." T dog says as he puts a slightly shaking hand on my shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze before turning and walking off

As I'm looking in front of me , I could see a hand wavering at me from the corner of my eye. I turn my head to see that it was daryl waving me over with my backpack in one hand and his cross bow in the other.

I casually walk towards him , once I stop he seems to hesitate before holding my bag out in front of me for me to take. I do and swing it over my shoulders.

"Thanks daryl." I say before shifting my weight on one leg to the other. He nods his head and shifts is crossbow to his other hand, it looked like he wanted to say something else but once he opened his mouth to say something he bit the inside of his cheek instead

"If you wanna say something you should say it cause you never know what might happen later." I say up to daryl and he lets go of his cheek  between his teeth and looks directly into my eyes, but I wasn't scared of him so I didn't break eye contact

"What you talking bout?" He says in a low voice, as usual

"Mom always said it and she was ... smart so I just thought... it was a smart thing to say." I eventually break eye contact and look at my shoes as I tighten my hold on my backpacks strings

I hear daryl let out a tired sigh, "here" , I look up at him to see him hold my knife that I thought Rick still had in his belt

My eyes go wide as the moon and I immediately bring my head up to snatch my knife from Daryl's hand.

"Where's you- how'd you... thank you." I say before wrapping my arms around daryl, it takes me a second before I open my eyes and quickly unwrap my arms from a frozen Daryl's waist

"I talked to Rick and he agreed , you should be able to protect yourself just incase..." Daryl tailed off shifting on his feet as he looks down at me with squinted eyes

Like he didn't understand something

"Thank you-"

"Yeah yeah, you should be saying the thank yous to rick, not me." He says as he looks ahead of me, I look over my shoulder at rick who was talking to Dale with Carl and Lori with him

"He shouldn't have took my knife in the first place-" I say before I am cut off by Andreas voice

"What do you think is going to happen? I'm gonna stick it in my mouth and pull the trigger the moment you hand it to me?" Andreas words cause me to turn around and clutch my weapon in my hand tightly

Andrea won't do that?

Would she?

Mom always made sure I knew  only the weak will give into killing themselves. I don't know why but she did. It's not like I'm killing myself any time soon.

Is that a normal thought? Maybe I'll ask Rick if he thinks about it as well, someday. If I ever talk to him after what he did... taking the only thing that brought me safety in the new world. My knife.

"I know your angry at me. That much is clear. But if I hadn't done what I did, you'd be dead now." Dale tries to explain, his back to me but I know his eyes are trying to show Andrea the sincere in him

I don't think what he did was right, Andrea had her own choice and she chose to stay... I don't think Dale had the right to guilt her into coming with us.

Maybe Andreas weak.

I decide not to talk to myself while I eaves drop on the conversation of Andrea and Dale , like the rest of the group was. I turned around and walked past daryl towards the railing to wait for the others to start our search.

I will find Sophia. Preferably alive.

——

It was a little while later since we've been walking a path in our search for my friend Sophia. Yes my friend friend.

While my walking slowed down to a pace where I was left behind the group, behind Shane a little I kept thinking more so than looking. Sophia was always.. kind to me. Even when she lived with someone like Ed , she never tried to be negative towards ME. She was good.

She is good.

I look up from the grass in front of me when I hear Carl try to talk to Shane about something he sounded excited about, but Shane hushed him rather harshly and told him to keep it down. Aka to shut up.

Carl was making my head hurt but I kind of enjoy how the kid still gets excited after everything that's happened.

Maybe it's because he has his dad back, but I know he's a mamas boy through and through. Makes me feel a hole in my guts about if I miss mother or not. I do, I think.

"Psst."

Shane stops until I'm walking besides him and then he continues to walk but from my side now.

"Don't be in the very back of the group, ya hear me? Don't need anymore kids getting lost out here. Stay in someone's sight, alright?" He hushes to me, I roll my eyes before looking at him and sending him a silent nod.

I walk until I'm a little in front of Shane. I wasn't going to admit that my feet were hurting and my legs were feeling sore. No one likes a nagger.