From the Silent Girl

Control

How can I lose control
if I never had it in the first place?
I listen to the rules,
Those living, breathing things,
Only to find that they pierce my heart
with a thousand tiny needles,
Sewing my wings to the ground
so I may never touch the sky.

How can I lose control,
when the green light I'm given
Hides a hundred shades of red?
When the chains around me loosen,
and the choice becomes mine,
I hear the shackles groan and rattle
as if to remind me
that my choice was nothing more
than an illusion.

How am I losing control
when the very air around me
is so heavy, and so dense,
that it pins me in place?
I long to scream, to shout,
to dance, to fly,
to circle high above the heavens
And chase impractical dreams.

I long to let my mask fall,
To shatter the emotions
Bottled up inside of me.
I long to crumble the walls around my heart
And let the light back in.

I long for control of something.
Of anything.
Even if that control
means my own self-destruction.