From the Silent Girl

Different

When I close my eyes,
I imagine a different me.

Different hair,
different clothes,
different personality.

I imagine a confidence
that glows and illuminates my very being,
Kindling my heart
Lighting my eyes
Warming my soul.

I imagine the strength
to be more than just
a doormat, a pushover,
Who smiles blankly at her classmates.

I imagine having a tongue
that can bend words to my will
and have them ready at my beck and call,
Rather than a tongue of lead
that lays heavy in my mouth
And leaves me with nothing but the taste of regret
when I think about the things
I've never said.

I imagine having a wit
that rivals my mother's,
Reacting within a moment's notice
with the perfect words,
or the perfect solution,
Rather than with a stumbling,
mumbling bunch of nothing.

But when I open my eyes,
I see all of my flaws
staring back at me.
I take a deep breath,
Knowing that I will just have to accept them.