The Jade City

Chapter 43: Unexpected Encounter

Harumi's POV

There wasn't much conversation to be had the next day at breakfast, only hushed whispers when they thought I wasn't looking. When my head was bowed and I could only peek through the wisps of hair that fell over my face.

Somehow I'd assumed Lloyd would try to talk to me, but it was almost as if an invisible bubble had formed around me, isolating me from everyone else on my "team" as we wove between the trees. I hung at the back of the group, mostly keeping my line of vision on the ground.

Once, Jay and I made eye contact as he threw a look over his shoulder.

"Ah, I was just making sure you were following along," he rambled, earning him a kick in the shin from Nya that I didn't miss.

"Haha, thanks..." I replied tonelessly with a forced smile.

He quickly turned back around and continued talking to his girlfriend. Lloyd and Zane walked a little ahead of them, paving the way for the rest of us.

I listened to the birds, their clear voices calling out to one another.

Their companions.

A knot formed in my stomach. I tried to think of my parents, Morro, even the short-term stay I had with the Ninja. I... I too had companions... once...

But what would they think of me now?

My parents would see what I had done and disown me, unfairly ashamed of themselves for having raised a monster like myself. They didn't deserve this. And it was probably better off that they'd never see me again. They could simply pretend to everyone in the Departed Realm that I didn't exist. And rightfully so.

The Ninja... no explanation needed.

And Morro was only nice because he saw himself in me. But he knew how to care about people. I didn't. And when he inevitably realized how selfish, crooked, soulless I was, he'd leave, too.

Unconditional love didn't exist. Meaning, for people like me, nobody cared. Nobody ever would, because they'd realize I was nothing but a twisted shell of a person, and there was nothing to care about.

And to think I thought Lloyd had forgiven me for this after the talk we had last night. Of course not. It was all shallow talk because he didn't want to die in case I went crazy. Why did I think anyone could simply forgive someone like me? That wasn't how the world worked.

Besides, I wouldn't forgive me, either.

I was alone. And I always would be.

It seemed as if years had passed before Zane announced he'd found a clearing for us to set up camp for the night. As everyone else got to claiming various tasks and I suddenly didn't know what to do, I asked if there was anything I could help with.

"You can go collect firewood," Nya said.

...

Things eventually got better over the next few days, and they would speak to me again. But I don't think it was really because they suddenly decided they did trust me because of our long history of a month or something, they were just too tired to care. Still, when I got one of those head pains all of a sudden, I appreciated that they stopped in their tracks and asked if I was okay. Even if it was all just for politeness' sake.

I sat a good distance away from the others during dinners. Already I knew I couldn't expect anyone to invite me to sit closer, but deep down I wanted them to.

It was all just wishful thinking, anyway.

At least, if I closed my eyes and listened to their laughs, I could almost picture myself in their midst, feeling the warmth of the fire on my skin. Their endless conversations never failed to keep smiles on their faces, transporting them to a world of memories untouched by the tragedies they'd faced. As tired as they were from our journey, their faces grew alight with life with each joke told, each story recounted. Sometimes I felt like an intruder, before I remembered that I was.