Black Widow | 18+

27 | Emotions

I wasn't ready for this, but I couldn't let this child go. I wouldn't have an abortion, this child had been with me when the chaos really began, but in a way this child was going to be a memory of what could've been. 

I also wanted this child for myself, to have my own family, even if it was just me and them, and Jacob and Alvaro. 

The tears were in full force now, and everything was blurred as I allowed myself to cry properly for the first time in years. I didn't want to control it, I didn't want to get back into the headspace of who I once was, I didn't need to. I was with two people who always pushed me to detach from the person I had been trained to be for some moments. 

To let myself feel. 

To let myself be cared for. 

I felt a pair of arms pull me down and I lay my head in Jacob's lap, lying on my side, looking out over the blurred view as I allowed my emotions to take over. He ran a hand through my hair, soothing me, letting me know that it was okay and that everything would be fine. 

Alvaro crouched down in front of me and kissed my forehead, taking my hand in his, "It's okay Arté, do you want to keep it?"

"Yes," I said through tears, and I watched as Alvaro allowed a flicker of pain to run across his face before nodding and kissing my forehead again. 

"Then we'll be here with you every step of the way Arté, you're not going through this alone." Alvaro soothed and Jacob hummed in agreement. 

"I'm so sorry," I cried

"For what?" Jacob asked gently 

I sat up and dropped my head into my hands as I spoke through the tears, "Leandro caused all of this shit to happen. If I hadn't of gotten involved with him then things would be so different. He killed David, and now I'm having his fucking kid but I can't...I can't let this child go,"

"No, no, hey," Alvaro rushed, tipping my chin up, "David knew what he was getting involved with, he was the one who pushed you to take the job, and he was very aware of the possible outcomes. He knew that dealing with Leandro directly was a risk, one he was willing to take. Arté, you have to understand that Leandro would've done this regardless, and in a way you spared our lives because he wasn't going to kill us as well, he knew it would drive you away forever."

I didn't know what to think, my heart hurt ridiculously and I felt this soaring pain in my body as I recalled the consequences of all of this. It was so painful, so fucking painful, and I didn't know how I had managed to ignore all of it on my own. 

"What am I going to do?" I said weakly, "I'm not even 22 yet  and I'm having the child of a married man who will use it against me to get me to stay, and he knows I will, that's the worst part."

"He will Arté, and I say this because I love you. You can't see him again, maybe in a couple of years, but not any time soon. He hurts you and breaks you, and I know you love him, but he isn't good for you and I you know this too." Jacob said firmly, I looked over at him to see the pleading in his eyes. 

I knew he was right, and I knew that I had lost some of my self-worth in this relationship with Leandro. I knew that I didn't come second to him, but I was either the person he needed the most in his life or the person he would hurt the most in his life. I was just desperate for an in between. 

I was desperate for some normality. 

"This will be his child," I whispered

"I know," Jacob nodded, "but if you want any chance at feeling yourself again then for the first couple of years it's got to be you and this child, without the storm Leandro causes, otherwise the relationship won't be the same. You know that."