Black Widow | 18+

26 | Escape

Artemisia 

Spiralling. 

I was spiralling since Anton had left, and in a way I didn't care. It was bound to happen, I had just been using Anton and alcohol as a means to delay it's occurrence. 

It wasn't easy though, and I found myself returning to old coping mechanisms to deal with it. 

Taking too many sleeping pills before bed, no longer drinking because now I knew I was pregnant, constantly doing something during the day to avoid sitting with myself and thinking. 

The strangest thing about the entire experience was the fact that Anton had no inside-men as guards in this place. Clearly he felt safe in Madrid, safe enough to not have his army surround his property like he did in New York. 

What it meant for me was the presence of one on-call private security guard sat outside the property in an SUV, spending more time on his phone than anything else. I didn't mind, it meant I could spiral in peace and embrace the madness without having to think about what this man I didn't know would think. 

I knew I shouldn't have been medicating myself the way I was when I was pregnant, but that was another thing. I wanted to keep this child, but the father was not someone I wanted in it's life. 

I didn't understand how I was going to get handle the pregnancy issue with Anton around, but I knew it would mean leaving him at some point, returning to New York, and escaping to a foreign country. 

Maybe Portugal, Germany, Switzerland or even Argentina? I didn't know, but it couldn't be part of the Italian or Russian territory. 

I knew that both men would come looking for me, but I had contacts, and I had more than enough money. I just needed to send a signal, get on a payphone and sort out a drop off location for new cards and passports, maybe my contact would even help me escape if he was in a good mood. 

He would also help me get to Jacob and Alvaro. 

The spiral had allowed for quick planning to commence, and in a way I was grateful, all of the manic energy had surmounted into my tactical side resurfacing. I didn't know exactly how I was going to do it, but I knew what needed to happen. 

It was just a case of waiting and praying that nothing else got in my way. 

It was hitting two am, Anton was due to come back in the morning, day after tomorrow, and I thought about how usually I would've been asleep with him by now. In a way I missed him, but then I got back in touch with the way he and Leo had behaved. 

Sometimes I felt like this wasn't even about their empires, sometimes I felt like it was about who had me. 

I climbed into bed, having just taken two sleeping pills, and lay there as the thoughts slowly began to drain out of my mind. I was wishing for a peaceful sleep, one where I didn't have to see Leandro in that dream with Clementina and a child of his own. 

I wondered what life would've been like if it had been him and I raising a child together, would he have wanted that? I couldn't tell. I knew that he had to be with Clementina for the sake of his empire, and that made sense, but I hated him for it. 

I hated him for many things, too many things, but I still couldn't get rid of the love I felt for him through the hatred, if anything it was growing stronger. 

The thoughts became so draining that I slowly began to drift off, in that state of semi-consciousness. 

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