Black Widow | 18+

16 | Ashes to Ashes

Artemisia

I felt so drained that I'd gone completely quiet, and Romulo had picked up on it.

Everything was great, I was having an amazing time with him, to the point that I had found myself laughing more than ever before. None of our time together had been shrouded in difficulty or darkness, we were just enjoying each other's company.

Maybe too much, I hadn't actually spent a night at Carina's since the second date.

I lied to Leandro about sleeping with him. I had, multiple times a day.

Yeah, he couldn't find out about that.

I knew things were moving very fast, things were intense and with Leo's presence now involved, my newfound sense of morality had come into the picture.

This was the second time I had hurt a man that I cared about in the space of a month. Yes, Anton's reaction was totally out of order, but the fact remained that I hurt him; and with Leo, the bitterness in his voice when he mentioned Romulo earlier paired with his painful declaration of not wanting a life without me in it, made me feel extremely guilty but also made me fucking scared.

I couldn't hurt him more than I already had, and it was because I had come to terms with something the moment I gave in to picking up that phone call.

I was in love with him, I was in love with the man who had hurt me the most in this world, and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't take away the fact that he hurt me, or that he lied to me after we had reconnected, or that he was getting married.

Leandro was getting married.

For the first time I processed it. I processed the fact that the man I was in love with was getting married to an insufferable woman who would torment me with that fact for as long as she could. Clementina didn't even know about Leo and I, but she would still make it her mission to make my life hell.

I didn't think I would be able to get up and just leave his life, not after everything we had gone through. Leo was getting married and I was going to be sitting on the sidelines either way.

But I couldn't. I had to move on.

"Cara," he murmured as we pulled into the sweeping drive of the Boterosco villa, it was clear of other cars and I hoped that meant Leandro wasn't there yet. I snapped out of it and looked over at Romulo who had a concerned look on his face. "Cosa ti passa per la testa?"
(Italian: Darling | What's on your mind?)

"Lavoro," I lied, giving him a small smile. I took his hand that rested on the console in mine, eyeing the old-english font numbers that lay across each finger of his right hand, all coming together to form the number '1479' when he made a fist.
(Italian: Work)

"Arté," he murmured, taking his other hand and tilting my chin up. This man could read me well, better than most, and right now I felt like I was being interpreted like an open book. "Non mentirmi angelo, per favore."
(Italian: don't lie to me angel, please)

What could I say? That I was in love with his boss and that I had been lying to him this entire time? That Leandro and I had been engaging in whatever it was for a while, and that his cousin's wedding looked like a sham to me?

No, I couldn't say any of that.

"È solo lavoro, Romulo. Ti prometto." I lied again before placing a kiss on his cheek, allowing my lips to linger there for a few moments before kissing his lips.
(Italian: It's only work, Romulo. I promise you)

He reciprocated, and as usual I found myself getting lost in him.

Only because I had already started to shut down though. The beautiful technique of pretending that things weren't happening around me, I was simply experiencing life as a sequence of events that had no difficult emotions attached to them.