Black Widow | 18+

27 | Emotions

The second was the fact that I was finally back with Alvaro and Jacob, finally safe, or as safe as we could be. 

I remember seeing them again, being crushed in a hug by Alvaro and then by Jacob, beginning to cry at the sheer relief of being with the people who I considered to be home. For me, home was never a place, only a set of presences. 

One of the three presences was no longer with us. 

That brought on a whole new set of emotions. 

David was no longer with us, and every time I looked at my two best friends I felt this horrible guilt strike me, as if it was all my fault. 

It wasn't, it was Leandro's fucking fault, Leandro and his insanity once again were to blame. I hated him so fiercely, but as I've said before that feeling of love never diminished, only grew. 

"Arté," Alavaro mumbled, rubbing his face as he stood by the entrance to the ensuite of my room. 

I spun my head to look at him, my eyes wide, and I got off my knees and flushed the toilet before walking over to the sink and washing my face, acting as if he hadn't just caught me throwing up randomly during the day. 

"What's up?" I muttered after splashing water on my face 

He stayed silent, his expression faltering briefly. "I didn't want to say anything,"

"Say what?" I shot back, feeling myself grow slightly defensive, but we were interrupted by Jacob who walked in with a smile on his face. 

"What are we talking about?" he grinned, clearly not registering either of our expressions 

Alvaro and I stayed silent, staring each other down, and Jacob let out a hum of understanding, "Is this a conversation where I should leave? Or--"

"Stay," Alvaro said, "Artemisia needs to tell us something."

My mouth dropped open but Alvaro remained unfazed whilst Jacob looked between us. I knew that I owed it to them to be honest, but being pregnant was something I had successfully ignored; yes, I'd been throwing up, but I usually thought about the other difficulties to pass the time whilst I was hurling into a toilet bowl. 

"Let's go outside," Jacob sighed and Alvaro turned on his heel before walking out of the room. Jacob gave me that knowing smile, the one that calmed me down, and placed a hand on the small of my back leading me onto the terrace. 

I met my best friend's gaze, he looked absent, like he had tuned out, and I was nervous to tell him the truth. What if they judged me for having Leandro's child? What if they hated me for it? 

"Arté, please." Alvaro breathed

I looked over to Jacob who was sat next to me on the couch, his eyes were kind but I dreaded how they would change. 

"I'm pregnant," I said suddenly. 

The air was thick with tension and I kept my eyes on the view of the bay, watching the glow of the sun illuminate the cliff face opposite us. My mind was slowly losing it's will to think about everything else, and in a way I felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders by finally telling them the truth. 

"Who's is it?" Jacob rasped. I looked over at him to see his eyes were also focused on the view in front of us, and I looked over at Alvaro who had his head in his hands. 

"Leandro's," I whispered and I felt the tears start to come to my eyes as I sat with the reality of things for the first time in a while. 

By telling Jacob and Alvaro, it became real. The entire fucking situation became so real, I didn't get to pretend that it was just some thing that I would be ready for, because I wasn't.