Karl Jacobs
--
I find Sapnap sitting under the bleachers of our local sports field. There's a group of people running around kicking a ball, I recognise one of them and it's Sapnaps older cousin. He smiles at me and I smile back, giving him a small wave before I make my way to Sapnap. I notice his car isn't in the carpark so I just assume his cousin dropped him off here and decided to stay around for a bit. I crouch under the bleachers and sit on the ground across from Sapnap.
"Hey" I gently nudge his knee.
"Karl" he lets out a sigh of relief. Before I know his arms are wrapped around me, with his head nuzzled into my chest. His whole body is on me and all I can do is wrap my arms around him in return. If this hug came at any other time I would be blushing, but right now all I can do is be upset because my best friend is going through something and I have to be here for him.
"I'm so sorry Sap" I rub his back with my hand. I feel his shoulders shake and I hear soft sobs coming from him.
We stay silent, I just let him cry for however long he needs to. I continue holding him until he pulls away from me. I look at him to see his eyes are bright red and puffy, I tear up just at the sight of him. But I hold it all in if I cry now he'll just cry again, and I can't let that happen.
"I'm sorry" he gasps and wipes his eyes. "I don't know why i'm crying".
"Don't apologise, you can cry" I say softly.
"I know" he sniffs. "I'm just so overwhelmed, it wasn't easy being there today".
"It's not meant to be easy" he nods, agreeing with me. "Did something happen?"
"No, nothing" I wait for him to continue. "I just started feeling really weird when we got home. I couldn't stand being there anymore, I needed to get away. So Josh drove me here but I didn't want to act this way in front of him. I wanted to call Harmony but I kept feeling like she wouldn't understand".
"It's okay" I say reassuringly. "You don't need to be okay all the time, you're allowed to feel things".
"Yea, I know. It's just so hard, I feel so out of everything. Obviously today wasn't about me, but back at the house everyone was talking about their memories and I felt like I wasn't included in any of them. I feel like an outsider to my own family" he cries.
"Sap, you've always known this" the second the words leave my mouth I regret them.
"I know!" he huffs. "That's the worst part, I know i'm not close with any of them, that's why I don't know why it's bothering me now" he goes quiet.
"They're your family, of course feeling out of place would bother you" I pause. "Why wouldn't Harmony understand?"
"She's so close with her family" he sniffs, wiping away tears. "When i'm at her house for dinner they make me feel like i'm apart of a family, when her dad asked about my family they were all so sad when I said we weren't close. I just knew she wouldn't get it".
"Oh" was all I could say.
"I knew you would get it, Karl" he rests his head on my shoulder.
--
Sapnap and I continue talking about random things that come to our minds. We stay under the bleachers until the sun goes down, neither of us going on our phones to see who's messaging us. Josh came over a few hours ago to let us know he had to leave, we said bye to him and then went back to it just being us enjoying each others company. We were mentioning memories we have together, camping, family barbecues, school stuff. Anything that we could think of, until something reminded Sapnap of Harmony.
"I think she's part of my problem" he says honestly. I look at him, only seeing what the soft glow of the field lights let me see under the bleachers and he's just staring at the ground. "It feels like she's expecting too much from me right now. I didn't think it was becoming so serious".
"You don't want it to?"
"Of course I want it to be serious, it's just happening so fast. She's been talking a lot about our lives after college, I just agree with anything she says because i'm too scared to disagree. We've never argued, so what if I disagree with something she says and then it makes her angry?"
"Why would she be angry? You're allowed to have opinions and plans for your future" I frown.
"I know that" he sighs, "it's just so difficult. She's such a sweet person, I can't imagine her being angry at all. But sometimes I hear the way she talks about people she doesn't like, I see this side to her that she doesn't show off. I don't want to be someone she doesn't li-" he's cut off by the sound of his phone ringing.
I look away and let him answer the call. As he talks on the phone I pull out mine to see many messages from Lola, Aaron and someone we play Minecraft with. Every message from Lola is her asking why I disappeared today, I just sent back a simple 'Sapnap needed me'. The messages from Aaron are all about Lola and the party i'm supposed to be hosting, I don't bother replying to any of them.
"Karl" I look back to Sapnap. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?" I frown.
"That was Harmony, she told me you and Lola are together again!" He grins. My stomach sinks, this isn't the reaction I was hoping for. "I'm so sorry, i've been talking about myself this whole time. I didn't even give you the chance to tell me!".
"No, I just didn't want to tell you and make it about myself" I shake my head. I didn't mention it because i've enjoyed these hours with him. Just us, talking about everything. Sapnap being honest with me. These are the moments i'm always craving, the moments I miss having with him.
"When did you ask her out?" He smiles. But it's a smile that's breaking me. It's a genuine smile, he's actually happy that Lola and I are 'together'. It's a smile a best friend would give you when they really are happy for you, the smile i've never given Sapnap when he talks about Harmony.
"Oh um-" I pause. "It's really fresh, I asked her yesterday and she said yes right away".
"So it's real this time?" He laughs.
"Yea, it is" I fake a smile.
"Dude!" He grins again. "I'm so happy for you!".
"Thanks" I put on my best happy voice.
"She seems so different now, you're both going to make such a great couple".
We left after that.
I couldn't stand being around him any longer knowing he's actually happy and supportive of my 'relationship' with Lola.
I wish I could go back an hour to when he never knew about it at all.
--
hey lovelies!!!!!!!
sorry for the lack of updates recently a lot has been going on <3
i hope you are all doing well!!
and i hope you all still love sweater weather <3
YOU ARE READING
Sweater Weather - Karlnap (au)
Fanfiction"Karl" he says softly, making me turn to face him. "Do you ever feel different?" he asks, without looking at me. "Different in what way?" he turns to me, looking me in the eyes.
