Soothing a heart - Minsung

PT2: Chapter 33

Minho and Jisung got closer as time passed.

They found back the same kind of relationship they shared at the resort, ambigiously platonic. They met a lot, hang out a lot and got into physical proximity. They would hug a lot, sleep together, but never they crossed the line of unplatonic : they didn't kiss nor they had sexual intercourse.

But they knew there was nothing platonic that was building between the two of them, and all of their friends could agree on that point. They were a bit too lovey-dovey, they cared a lot too much about the other.

Minho had got a new strange habit of arriving randomly and unannounced at Jisung's home, even if the boy wasn't there. Everytime, he tells Jisung he was bored, but the truth was that he was simply craving the younger. He couldn't describe the reason behind it, he simply did, he craved his presence, he wanted to hear his voice, to listen to his day and adventures at the studio, to cook for him and then sleep beside him, his hands always snaking around the other's waist and clinging to him. That was their routine for the last few weeks, and Jisung didn't complain, not even once. Quite the contrary.

And again, Minho had arrived at the latters home after his dance class. As he was all sweaty and tired, he naturally took a shower in Jisung's bathroom and threw some joggers and a shirt he had already left there some nights before.

After his much needed shower, for both Minho's body and Jisung's nose, Minho decided to cook something for the two of them with the groceries he had done for Jisung some days before.

Jisung was used to it, he didn't mind it, he even loved it.

Everything felt so domestic.

They usually converse while Minho is cooking, Jisung sitting behind him and waiting for the meal to get ready, but Jisung was deep in thoughts today.

Minho understood it rather quickly and didn't push it. He simply waited for Jisung to open up, as he always does. And he did.

"Min" Jisung called, surprising a bit the latter

"Mmh?"

"Can you tell me about your principles?" He asked, his voice sure because of the uneasiness he felt.

Minho stopped stirring as he repeated the question in his head.

"... I'm not sure" He said weakly, his breath felt like it was cut off from his lungs.

"Why not?" Jisung asked gently, caringly not pushing him.

Minho sighed as he took the pot out of the fire, making sure the food wasn't going to get burnt. He turned to Jisung who was looking at him and leant his back to the counter.

"It's a bit deep, and I don't want to be hurtful or clumsy with my words" He said firmly

"Try, I'll hear" Jisung said with a soft smile

"Well... Here goes nothing" He said as he cleared his voice and shifted a bit "I've thought a lot about the two of us. When we were at the resort, I let you in easily, but I also kept to myself all my disappointments, my hopes, my sadness. I mixed you with my pain, I mixed your existence with everything else that happened in my life. When you... confessed to me, I let my guard up immediately. Are you understanding until here?" He asked as he looked at Jisung's eyes, making sure his words weren't running everywhere and that his speech was clear enough

"Yeah, completely. It's well explained and I remember well that I thought the same of you" Jisung nodded as he smiled at the boy, encouraging the following sentences.

"I just felt like... we got too fast on everything. I thought I could just be intimate with you and continue as usual, but no. You grabbed my heart tightly and stood, and I felt like... like there wasn't enough space for everyone in there... So I pushed you out..." He said, diverting his gaze in guilt

Jisung didn't say anything. It hurt, but Minho warned him.

"But... I realized that was affecting me. The fact that we aren't good, that you're not there, it was too painful... So I decided to take my time to clear my heart and my brain... So I could make enough space for you" Minho continued, his gaze slowly reaching for Jisung's eyes again

"What does that mean? Clear your heart and your brain?" Jisung asked

"I think I'm slowly saying goodbye to Jae. I haven't got that closure, ever. But now, I'm getting there. Even if I feel guilty about it, I realized I've started to think more about you than him. I don't feel that hurtful dagger splitting me in half as I think back at what we used to be, I simply feel nostalgia. I miss him, I'll never be able to forget him, and you have to know that. I'm sorry if that isn't what you want to hear, but you deserve the truth. But, I think that I'm not as attached. I can look at his pictures without tearing up, I can talk about him without getting a knot in my throat, I can take his stuff away, without it tearing my heart" He explained, the corner of his lips raising a bit in satisfaction.

Those words hit Jisung like a train, but in a good way.

"I think that's beautiful Minho" He said, almost tearing up as he got up from the table "I know you won't forget him, and I understand it. I'm proud of myself, for being able to make you feel so much. And I'm proud of you" He comforted, as he approached the boy slowly "But... What does it mean then? For us?" He asked, his eyes firmly and confidently burning holes on the other

"I just don't want us to go too fast" Minho breathed out "I don't want you to get in there too quickly and then to blow my mind because I can't think straight. What if I start rethinking it? I would hurt you so bad. As long as I'm not ready, I could destroy your heart, and I'm terrified of it" He said, seeing how Jisung frowned slightly.

"No" Jisung blurted out

"No?"

"No" He repeated

"What do you mean?" Minho asked confusedly

"I think that's stupid" Jisung said, and that kinda hurt Minho

"Huh?" He asked astonished, and Jisung approached the boy again, his hands reaching for Minho's face and holding it tightly.

"I don't care, destroy my heart or my whole existence for all I care. I trust you blindly okay? I've never met anyone with whom I had such a connection and there is no way in hell I'll stand behind you with my arms crossed and waiting for you to put the pieces back together. I'm not wasting such time." He firmly said, his eyes looking in between the two pretty eyes in front of him. Minho could see and feel the sincerity behind his words.

"But..." Minho tried, before getting cut off

"No, there is no buts Min. I want you, and you want me. Let me enter again, I'll show you how much I can soothe you. Let me show you my love and how much I need you close." He almost begged, his chest now completely crushed on Minho's chest.

"What if I freak out again...?" Minho asked again, his gaze absorbed by the boy's eyes

"I'll wait again. I'll wait for all your breakdowns and thoughts. Just don't run away from me." Jisung begged again, waiting nothing more than a positive response from the older

"Jisung..." Minho said, almost in a whine

"Time is precious Minho. Let's not waste it" Jisung said, watching how Minho's eyes painfully closed "Do you want to let me in?" He whispered, his heart beating quickly in anticipation

"Y-Yes. More than anything" Minho said as he opened his eyes again, the sight in front of him mesmerizing.

"Then take me. Take me whole"