On the Way Down

Chapter Fourteen

Today has already been a more perfect birthday than any scenario I could have dreamed up on my own, so why am I subconsciously sabotaging things? Any other time and place would be better for talking about this.

I backtrack before Phoenix can reply. "Wait, no, don't answer. It's the wrong time for me to ask. What were we talking about before Venice?"

His thumb strokes the back of my hand while he studies me. The look in his eyes is so open and unguarded that I sense he doesn't share my concerns about discussing this now.

"It isn't the wrong time. You deserve to know what happened more than anyone, and I want to be an open book with you."

I don't know if I expected the topic of North Node and its aftermath to change his demeanor, but it hasn't. His voice is calm, and he seems as relaxed as ever, just like the night in Vegas when Ava brought it up.

"I'm guessing you saw the Newport Beach video?" I nod, and he continues. "That night was bottom. I'd been home from Venice for a few days, and obviously I was drinking. I'd decided the reviews of North Node were completely my fault. My performance was bad, and I knew they should have fired me the first week of production. There was talk about it, because I was a mess on set. Chaz stood up for me, though, and said he would walk away from the film if I was axed."

"Because you had worked together before?"

Chaz isn't a stranger to me. He directed a film Phoenix had a supporting role in when his career was on the rise and we were still together, and I talked to him a few times at different events back then.

"Filming started right after I'd had back-to-back number one films. I think he was convinced my name would make North Node hit the top of the box office, and that he could get the performance he wanted out of me if he tried hard enough. He was my biggest cheerleader for a while and probably the only one who believed I could pull it off."

"So why did you punch and threaten him in Newport?"

I know what Phoenix was like in those days when he went on a bender, but I was never afraid of him getting into a physical fight with me or anyone else. Even wasted, it wasn't in his nature.

"We'd been on shaky ground since Venice and the screening. I couldn't make it to anything on time or sober, and then there were all the reviews about my performance. I don't think he expected me to show up at the cast and crew event in Newport Beach, and he was beyond pissed off when I stumbled in, already three sheets to the wind. We were at each other's throats from the time I got there. I deserved every dig he made at me, but then he said something about you and it went too far. I lost control."

"He said something about me?" Phoenix and I had been broken up for several years at that point. I can't fathom what Chaz might have said or why.

"Yeah." A muscle works in his jaw. I get the feeling he doesn't want to elaborate, in spite of his claim about wanting to be an open book, but he continues. "I don't know if you remember, but it was around the time you hit some of the bestseller lists with one of your books and were doing daytime talk shows. There had just been an announcement about the film rights, which Chaz read about. He had the announcement open on his phone and showed it to me, then made a few derogatory comments, and I--"

I interrupt him. "What were the comments? I'd like to know."

"Mostly things I don't like repeating." Phoenix rubs the side of his face with the hand that isn't holding mine. He keeps his jaw clenched and his lips pressed together for so long, I start to wonder if this is all I'll get from him. Then he speaks again. "The gist of it went something like, 'Look at your hot piece of ass ex-girlfriend, using the connections she made with you to get ahead after she left you to destroy yourself. I don't know what she did to make you end up like this, but get it together. She isn't worth it.' And then he said some other trash about who you must have slept with to get the publicity and deals you did." He pauses there. His chest rises as he takes a deep breath, then falls when he lets it out. "I'm sorry. You said you wanted to know, but you shouldn't have to hear this."