Frost

Chapter FIVE

Gabby was curled up next to him in bed.

This wasn't the first time. He didn't understand how he could be both her protector and what she feared. Some nights when she woke up in a panic she would whisper about being chased down a never-ending hallway or Jeremy and Sanjay looming over her while she slept and ask to be closer to him. Like back at the Lodge when he spent the night in her room. It was like every part of being held captive was catching up with her all at once. But other mornings he would wake up and she would be hidden at the foot of her own bed, as far away from him as possible, and he'd know she dreamt about James.

Tonight he was fairly certain this was more about keeping him from going out than actually being afraid. The tonics kept her nightmares down considerably, but when she whispered his name in the darkness, asking tentatively if she could flip on the light, he'd seen she was already standing up. She was shivering with her blanket tucked over her shoulders in the too-large shirt she was sleeping in. He'd moved over to make room, as though there was much on these beds, and let her put her pillow beside his. Just as he didn't understand that dichotomy of her feelings towards him, he didn't know what to do with his own. She couldn't accept what he was and had lied to him about it. She'd toyed with him like all the other boys she'd been with. He wanted to be angry. He was angry. He should be looking for space to reset his mindset about what she was- or could be- to him. But he couldn't deny her when she looked at him like that. Instead he was noticing how small her hands were as she tightened her fingers around her pillow.

"Sorry for doing this again. I'll ask Lola to make it more potent next time."

"It's fine."

"The lamp being on doesn't bother you?"

Honestly, he liked it being on most of the time. He didn't dream much but when he did he was pretty sure his could be nearly as rough as hers. "Not at all."

"You won't be mad at me tomorrow?"

"Not about this."

The corner of her mouth quirked up, reminding him how close his was to hers and he turned his head to face the industrial ceiling.

"Are you excited to go mushroom hunting tomorrow?"

Lola needed supplies for one of her client's orders and Ben was excellent at sniffing them out. Usually Luke went along with him but since they had their new errand runners Chris had been tasked with the job of protecting him and possibly learning how to sniff them out himself. Little did they all know how useless he'd become. Gabby was tagging along because she wanted to.

"Thrilled."

"Oh come on, we'll have a great time- excuse me- we can bring lunch. Maybe it won't even rain!"

She had pressed against him while turning and he pulled away, taking a steading breath. Unfortunately, everything just smelled like her shampoo. "-or not." She seemed to take his silence for annoyance.

"No it sounds great. I'm just tired. Are you comfortable."

"Right. Right. I'm so sorry. Good night. Pretend I'm not here."

I'm doing my best. "Good night."

----

Not sneaking out really did help with his sleep and he woke up early feeling less terrible than usual. Gabby was spread out next to him. She'd rolled over and managed to steal most of his pillow. Her arm was thrown over his waist. He'd certainly woken up to worse. Chris detangled himself as cautiously as he could, sliding out from the bottom of the bed and watched her stretch and reposition. She buried her face in his pillow and he watched her sigh. He smiled cheerlessly. Chris got ready fairly quickly and found Benjamin was reading quietly on the couch upstairs, his own sheets and blankets folded neatly in their basket. He had the little rucksack for carrying the mushrooms all set up and was wearing pants and a long sleeve shirt. Ready to go. Ben was like that though. Honestly, if he hadn't continued to ask him to do things Chris was no longer physically able to do, he may have even liked the kid. Not that he'd disliked Hannah but where her curiosity was vocal and impatient Ben was steady and self-taught. Luke had home schooled him but Chris got the idea that his attempts were lack-luster. Ben must have gone out of his way to learn much of what he did. He kept his schoolbooks and notebooks neat. He never yelled or tugged on sleeves or tried to make himself the center of attention although it did seem to bother him when he was not allowed in the room when everyone else was. Growing up without other kids, without even a lot of adults had certainly made him odd for a seven-year-old but in a more pleasant way than most.