Changes

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Big Bear, California

December 23, 6:00 pm

My pregnancy caught everyone by surprise I couldn't hide it forever. Chris and I decided to hold off on the divorce until our child was born he didn't wanna add any more stress on me my pregnancy is high risk I learned. Out of embarrassment, I convinced Chris to pretend we were together I feared what my parents may react the only one who knew the truth was Kelly. I convinced Chris to spend Christmas with my family it would look weird if his husband doesn't show up to a family vacation with his pregnant wife.

He's been very patient through this process but I hate lying to my parents I don't need the stress my grandmother is elated to be a grandmother again. My parents were not thrilled but I guess since we're married they didn't make a big fuss. Taji has even been coming around lately he's been less rude to Chris.

I sat in the kitchen helping my mother and grandma prepared Chrismas dinner I felt so out of place physically I was here but mentally I was all over the place.

" you, just have the cutest little belly.. please tell me the gender," Mom said.

I snapped back into reality " Mom, we don't know yet every time we go the baby is in the wrong position" I said.

" How's Chris been he seems a little distant lately. is everything okay?" my grandmother asks.

" He's fine I think he's just a little worried because I'm high-risk," I said.

Which was a half-truth he was actually worried but I can't tell them "Hey, my husband actually wants to leave me but he cant for another 4 months at least".

Chris sat across the room with my dad and Taji watching highlights he's been very distant he hasn't touched me since Vegas it makes me wonder where he was getting his needs satisfied because he has a very high sex drive and he won't touch me.

This shit hurts so much I feel trapped I've been seeing Dr. Green for some clarity but we have so many issues and Chris refuses to go see a marriage consular he's left this marriage physically and mentally. He's so detached and I really don't know where this is coming from.

He said he believes I didn't sleep with Will it has to be something else stopping him. My mother snapped me back into reality letting me know the food was ready she gave me the job of setting the table.

" Chris, can you help Aliyah set the table please honey," My mom asked.

Chris got up helping me with the plates once we were done he walked over to me placed his hand on my belly kissing it. Moments like this killed me there is nothing I want more than to have a complete family with the man I love but I came to terms that he isn't in love with me anymore and I have to get over this fantasy.

" Soon, we can stop pretending then we can move on with our lives," I said.

Chris was emotionless " yea," he said.

Then my family joined us in the dining room Chris pulled out my chair and my family gathered around to make small talk. We ate and looking around the room I felt so guilty lying to everyone but I kept telling myself it's for the best.

After dinner we retired to our rooms Chris gave me the bed and he offered to sleep on the futon.

" Can I ask you a question?" I asked.

He nodded.

" Why are we doing this?" I asked.

He looked confused " Doing what?" he asked.

" breaking up.. you said you believe me why are we doing this?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and sat next to me "We're doing this because its whats best.. we don't work together Aliayh I love you to death and that's the reason why I am setting you feel so you can be happy" he said.

" But, I am happiest when I am with you" I said.

" Aliayh, when we first met you told me your biggest fear is losing yourself in a relationship," he said.

I nodded.

" and you haven't been yourself in a long time I have to free you we need to find our happiness as individuals first before we can be right for anyone," he said.

I wiped a tear from my eye "Sleep, in the bed with me tonight" I said.

He kissed my forehead and he lay next to me.

" Hold me," I said.

He held me tight with his hand on my belly I silently cried I don't ever want to experience this type of pain again. I don't know where the future holds but I have to let him go I lost the man of my dreams and I know its nothing I could do or say to change his mind. I'll cherish all the beautiful moments we had together I know from this point on I could never love another man like this again I'm going to focus on our child and I know I have to let go of some of the plans I had for myself. Until next time.


This concludes " Girl of my dreams"

(There will be a "Third and final book!" stay tuned and thank you everyone for reading and voting for my stories it was a long time coming to finish this book I hope you enjoyed it! I do plan on publishing the third book in the coming months. Follow me to stay updated!)

-Mercedesforever


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