Phandom fiction

Phandom Phiction-Chapter 10 Phil's POV(finally)

I held his head in my lap and stroked his beautiful hair as he slept. He looked so peaceful but every so often he'd let out a sudden shreik of pain or surprise but as soon as that happened, he'd be smiling again.

I wondered what he was dreaming about quite often. If ever he had a nightmare I would rush into his room at home to comfort him. He would always lean his head into my chest or neck or hug me or both as we sat together just chatting. I always wanted him to be better but sometimes it took a while for him to be okay again, you know?

I would never give up on him. No matter how bad he was. I never understood, though, why he was so badly effected by them. I never really believed how bad the dreams got.

I was terrified of him, sometimes, when he'd had a bad dream.

I once found him screaming in the kitchen on the floor surrounded by sticky crimson blades. His arms had thick lines struck accross them. They oozed out the same sticky crimson liquid as that which covered the knives and scissors. I think he heard me enter as he quickly grabbed one of the knives. As I went to sit next to him to try to comfort him, he whipped up the knife, shaking it my face screaming "NO! NO! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO IT! PLEASE JUST LEAVE US ALONE! LET US GO!" He pleaded to me. I remeber the destroying look of panic and vunerability on his face. His eye lids were still clenched shut, just like his fist around the knife handle. I didn't want him to be like that. I wanted fro him to be okay. I tried to calm him but he erefused to accept that it was me. "You're not Phil!" he screeched, "Phil's kind! He'd let me go! You're going to take me away! You're going to take me to there again!" "No no no Dan! It's me! Trus me Daniel! I'm here! It's all okay now!" He flailed the knife in my face. "No you're not! Phil Isn't here! He would let me go! You're lying! Bring him here! I want him to take me home!" What was he going on about? "Where's home Dan, where is it?" I wanted to find out, since I didn't think that home was really gonna be anywhere near here. "With Phil. He knows. Phil is home. MAKE HIM PICK ME UP NOOOOOOW!!!!" He shreiked in my ears. "Okay Dan, okay." I wrapped my arms around him. He woke up. I pretended to be asleep, just incase, trying to ignore the blood around me.

That was terrifying.

It was also the happiest memory had.

Strange in a way. But he said I was his home. That was good enough for me.

I shook my head. I shouldn't still remember these things. The doctors said that it's bad for me to remember. Apparently I needed to leave his feelings alone. Mine too. I don't want another breakdown like that. He didn't know why I was here. And I wanted to keep it like that.

He was stirring, slowly opening his eyes. His smile greeted me, filled with content. I smiled back. I realised what I was doing and reluctantly made my grin fade into pure despair. He frowned at me.

"What's up Phil? Are you okai?" H grabbed one of my arms and started to stroke it. He stared into my eyes, I found myself lost in his beautiful brown gaze.

Stop it Phil. Stop it. You're only going to make yourself worse.

I sighed and pulled Dan up. Confusion and shame took over his face. He tried to mask it with a smile but failed miserably.

"Phil? Answer me. Please?" He begged.

"I'm fine Dan." I pouted and turned away from him.

"Phil, please? Why are you even here? No one has said anything to me since I got here except my own freakin' MOTHER!-" He paused. "Where is she?" He asked, and anxious look drifted over his face.

"Uh I don't really know, I mean they told me you'd fainted and since you aren't a mental case anymore you needed someone close to you to be here when you woke up. So here I am. But I'm unsure as to where your mum is. Sorry Dan."

"Why you?" He grunted.

"What do you mean 'why me?' " "We'll isn't it obvious? You're always leaving me by myself. You're always leaving me defenceless. You've barely spoken to me since Australia, now all of a sudden you're my saviour?" He turned over in my lap so he was facing the wall.

"Dan, I don't know what you expect for me to say?" "I want you to tell me why you're always ignoring me and pushing me away then giving me all this attention and pulling me so close to you! I want to know why you're here too! I want to know why nothing ever seems to be right with you!"

I sighed heavily. I turned his head so he was facing me again. "You really want to know?" I whispered looking straight into his deep brown eyes. He nodded and grabbed my hand, pressing it to his chest. "Phil, of course! I'm worried! You're my best friend! I want for you to be okay god damn it!(Sorry if I offended anyone there but you know, it is Dan) So yeah I want to know." He pouted back at me.

I turned away from him and removed him gently from me, as soon as I stole my hand from him his face just became more sullen and tears seemed as though they were about to trickle down his soft cheek. His beautiful, tanned- Stop it Phil! I scolded myself again. He's your best friend! Stop before you try to take our own life AGAIN!!!!

i must have been staring at a wall or something as now, Dan was clicking his fingers infront of my eyes trying to bring me back to consciousness.

"Phil! Please tell me" He was kneeling down beside me staring intenly at me.

"Dan I can't! I'm so sorry! It's just... It's because you're my best friend that I can't tell you, I would love to! I really would! But i just can't. I'm sorry Dan." I whimpered, trying desperately to fight back tears.

"Phil, you know theres a lot I can't tell you either, right? There's a lot I'll never be able to tell anyone! Atleast you tell PJ most of that shit but I don't have anyone! Not even Chris can be bothered to listen to me. No one cares! They-" "THEY DO CARE!" I shrieked at him, he scurried a little bit back into a corer at my sudden raise in temper. "They care alot." I whispered to him, I rushed over to him.

He just sat upright with knees presed tightly up to his chest, and his fingers plaited behind his head burying it into his knees.

"Phil, there's no one who cares. You are so kind that you worry about everyone, please don't feel like you have to be sorry for me. Phil, just ignore me and move on with your life. Please." I put an arm around his back and started tracing circles, he pulled his head back and rested it on my shoulder.

"I will always care about you. You can never change that. You are the most important person in the world to me. I can't live without you. That's the reason I'm in here, Dan. I was so scared that you weren't going to make it that I started cutting and I almost commited suicide. I don't want to lose any more of my life to death than I have to. That's why I'm in here. That's why I wasn't ever able to tell you why. I was- am just so scared that I'll lose someone else. I can't tell you something. Because I know that it will hurt the both of us. It will be the worst thing anyone could ever experience and it would be all my fault."

I got up and strode across the room and knocked into a leather sofa which my shin and I had only just, painfully, noticed. I turned around to say my final goodbye to Dan to find his and my face about a centimeter appart.

A/N Hai guys! Im soooo sorry for the crappy cliffhanger but thankyou so much for sticking with me through all o' dis! hopefully the next chapter will be up soon-ish(and by that I mean about 1-2 weeks? ... maybe...) please vote and comment and all of that if you're enjoying this story so far(Or not) and tell me what you've thought so far(or not(again))

stalling now...

here have some invisible cupcakes! *throws at face* haha why did you not catch?

Anyway...

Bye!

Kate

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