Will you love me?

Chp 16

I just wanted to let you guys know that these days I am struggling with a lot of things, waise toh I always try to be consistent but still kabhi chp nahi de paayi toh I hope you guys wouldn't mind..

And maybe I am on wattpad only till this month.. as soon as May finishes, I think I'll leave Wattpad soon..
Usse pehle ye vala ff complete kr dungi 🤍
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⚠️TW: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARM SCENE⚠️
[If that triggers you please don't read the part which is written in italic font..]
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Gautami's POV:

I ran directly upstairs in my room.

I started crying so badly.. it was mixed feeling, I was happy that finally Abhi trusts me but...
I... we can't be together, his dad... I can't risk my Abhi's life..
That's why today I had to be rude. I am sorry Abhi..
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I was staring at my reflection in the mirror with a numb heart.

I wanted to feel pain, I had blade in my hand.

I honestly had never felt this weak.. I wanted to let my anger out..

"GAUTAMI... ALL THIS IS HAPPENING JUST BECAUSE OF YOU..."

"YOU ARE THE REASON... NO ONE LOVES YOU.. EVERYONE FUCKING HATES YOU..."

I yelled at myself..

"YOU CAN NEVER ACHIEVE ANYTHING, YOU ARE AN WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT..."

No tears were actually forming in my eyes.

My heart was crying out of pain but my eyes were not.

I could feel nothing... I can do nothing... Everyone gets in trouble because of me..

This world would be an better place without me.

I looked down at my wrist.. I wad staring at it.. that urge ... though I had blade in my hands still I was somehow controlling that not to harm myself but... that urge to see blood oozing from your hand and to see yourself crying in pain...

THAT URGE TO PAINT YOUR WALLS RED, THAT URGE TO ACTUALLY MAKE YOURSELF SUFFER..
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I realized what I have done...
Tears finally rolled down my cheecks.

I could feel extreme burning sensation on my wrist.. I could feel blood drops on my wrist.

I could feel the pain.. physical pain.. I wanted to scream loudly out of pain but I covered my mouth with another hand.

It than hit me that... I... did I just cut myself again?

Tears were not stopping from my eyes, I could feel that I might die soon.

I once again realized what I have done... this time it hit me hard..

I quickly went towards the kitchen and grabbed some ice cubes and started rubbing it on my wrist till the blood stopped completely.
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I was laying on my bed now thinking how can I hurt myself like this... how...??

Maybe because..imagine if you are drowning in water and only thing on which you can rely on is a rope.. but by holding the rope tightly, its gives you rope burn but that is the only thing you can survive on.

The 'drowning in water' represents depression, the 'rope' represents hating and cuting yourself..
And.. 'rope burn' represents the scars.

My wrist was still paining, I took a bandage from first aid box and wrapped it around my wrist.

I than sat on bed thinking about today's day... but does Abhi seriously loves me or... he is just doing that out of sympathy.. he should be feeling guilty..

Guilt is stronger than gratitude.

To avoid feeling guilty maybe he is being nice and started loving me.

But GAUTAMI... DO YOU REALIZE, HE ACTUALLY LOVES YOU..

But what if it's just sympat.....

OHH C'MON FUCK... I SHOULD STOP OVERTHINKING....

Just than my heart started beating fast, my forehead was covered with sweat.. even my palms became sweaty.. I was finding it difficult to breath now...
Panic attack...
Here we go..
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The sunrays hit my face disturbing my sleep.

I got up and stretched my arms.

Our college was on leave today.

I saw the clock.

It was still 8.00 pm.. It was then something striked me...

"Kal subhe 10 ki flight hai..."

What am I supposed to do now?

I started thinking deeply.

What am I supposed to do now?
Shall I go?

One last time... to meet him..

But his dad...
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He can do nothing, I have to go... just to meet him..
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I did my morning chores and got ready.

I wore a black crop top with full sleeves and light blue jeans. I tied my hairs in a braid and just applied a lipblam.
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I went down.

I was driving towards the airport, it was already 9.45.
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Ik short one... but sorry..
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Take care <3

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