Living for the fat girl [Book 2]

Part 15

I breathe in a rattling breath and finally click on the second notification. A list of Seth's voice messages pops up on the small screen. My finger hovers over the oldest message but after another deep breath and hesitation, I push down on it. Quickly, I push the phone to my ear.

It takes him a couple seconds before he starts talking.

"Fuck, okay." He sighs and I imagine him rubbing his free hand over his face before continuing. "I know, I'm probably the last person you want to talk to but I really need to talk and... umm... fuck, you know I suck at this. Please pick up. I love you and-"

He gets cut off. I click the next message.

"Arya. I got cut off there. Sorry. Um, anyway, what I'm trying to say is that... I'm really sorry about what happened. I got sucked into something that I didn't really want to do and... you know I'm not that person any more. I'm trying really hard not to be that person... Can we talk please? Please call me back."

There's a twenty hour gap between this message and the next.

"Come on, please." His voice breaks and I lie back on my bed. "Don't ignore me. I'm trying really, really hard..."

The next message starts off with him sniffling and I know he's crying. The message was recorded at 3am. "I can't sleep. I miss you so much. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to say to get you to believe me. I don't know how to do this!" He sobs and takes a few seconds to calm himself down. My own tears form in my eyes now. "I talked to my mom today. You wanna know what she said to me?--"

He gets cut off again. At the mention of his mother, my tears spill but I click on the next message.

"Sorry. She told me to give you space, let you work things out... Said that you would come back to me in your own time but you what? I don't think you will. God, if I were you, I wouldn't come back to me either. I'm a fuck-up. Listen to me! I don't blame you at all... but I can't help it... I do love you."

I skip the next few messages and click the most recent one. This one was sent two days ago.

"This is going to be the last one, I promise. I'm going to speak fast so I can fit all this in. I realized something last night. I can't pin-point the moment that I feel in love with you, Arya. It just happened gradually. I remember it feeling as though you were taking my freedom from me but in fact you weren't actually doing anything to me. You were just trying to get through the days as best as you knew how. And then when you were gone for so long, I realized that I couldn't be without you. I wished every single day for you to come back. I promised that if you were to come back to me, I would never let you go. I would change for your sake and I would never ever lose you again--"

He got cut off then but obviously decided that what he said was enough. Tears were now freely streaming down my face. With every word he said, I felt worse and worse. How can I not? Here he is, pouring his heart out to me and I just... reject him. Cold-heartedly.

My head spins and the image of him from earlier pops into my mind. God, he looked so miserable.