Crimson & Clover

The End

I watched with great anguish as the black car drove along the highway, the family headed home from a regular weekend getaway.  They always went to the same motel, across the street from the ocean. Betty liked the regularity of it all, the stability of knowing what tomorrow would bring. It made life easier for her. She found pleasure from the quiet solitude that came with going to the beach where her mind could rest from the fast paced rigors of life.  The children would swim in the pool while she relaxed, baking under the warmth of the sun while breathing in the salty Southern California air.

The Sunday evening drive home was always the most difficult for Betty. It would invariably force her to remember the best times of her life which now only served to make her sad. She longed to feel that joy again but knew that stability would have to suffice. She had to consider what was best for her children now. She had had her youth and luckily enough she was able to experience it twice, once in her childhood and then again for one year, with me.

As Betty looked out her window she recalled that blissful night at the Starlight Club where the impossible happened. She met a handsome, charming young man who peaked her imagination. He was different, she thought, confident yet lost all at the same time. She was right about me. I was lost, never quite certain where my place was in this world.

When I was with those who I considered to be regular people I felt like a king but when I was with the upper echelon of society I felt small and uncertain. Even with Betty I never felt truly at home. I considered her to be too good to be true. Whenever we were together I constantly felt that I had to prove Ma wrong about me. I was lost indeed.

Her mind continued to wonder back in time, remembering next that wonderfully spontaneous marriage proposal along the coast as the sun set beyond the ocean. She recalled Billy's happy face when he realized that I would be his new father. Adam, you always loved Billy, she said to herself as the car continued along the road, the neons appearing as one long stream of light as Betty lost herself in thought.

She still had the Orange Crush bottle cap.  It was safely locked away in a box in her closet. She would never open it but yet it was her most precious possession. I never did buy her a proper ring but Betty didn't care. A ring has to feel special, she would tell me. It's not the stone that counts but the memories that come with it. She wanted us to go on an exotic honeymoon and while we were away surprise her with a ring. That way she could look at it and recall some wonderful memory. That would have been nice.

I looked closely at Billy who was now a very mature young man of twelve. He sat in the back seat of the car thinking about last Thursday's football game where he quarterbacked a come from behind victory over his neighborhood rivals at the local playground. Seated next to him was his younger brother, a toddler of two years old. I was happy for Billy that his family had grown.

I watched them sit in the back, Billy with his head leaning against the window and his brother sucking away on his thumb, his eyes slowly shutting. I wanted to say something to Billy, anything but I worried how he would react. Would he be happy to see me? Would he be scared? It didn't matter because he didn't even know I was there. How could he? And then the unexpected happened; his younger brother pulled his thumb out of his mouth, looked up in my direction, pointed at me and smiled. I put my finger gently over his mouth. "Shsh," I told him, not wanting him to cry, but he wasn't scared.

"Billy, it's me, Adam," I said calmly. He didn't respond. Of course he can't hear me, I thought. His younger brother probably couldn't hear or see me either. The voice I heard before I died was right. I would have the chance to see Betty and Billy again and I would have the chance to say goodbye. I just wish I had been forewarned that they wouldn't be able to say goodbye me. The anguish was impossible to bear, so I left the car and watched from above at it disappeared in the distance.