To Love A Murderer | ✔

14 | The Pains of Our Pasts

CW: This is quite an intense chapter, with mentions of drinking and very brief imagery of murder.

"You should not have done that, Lila."

"I know that, Iltani," Lilavati snapped, not bothering to raise her head to look at her friend.

Iltani sighed and sank gracefully to her knees beside Lilavati.

"I only want your continued safety and happiness, Lila." Some emotion trembled in Iltani's voice.

"That's not possible with the way you're acting right now. I brought you to Dvaravati so that Krishna would be able to protect you and change the path you walk on. I cannot tell how he will react to this. Unless you at least try and change, I fear for your safety, Lila. You may hate me for it but I will be happy in the knowledge that you are safe."

Lilavati swallowed against the lump in her throat as she raised her head and looked at the priestess and her dearest friend.

"I—I'm so sorry, Ilu," she whispered. "I'm trying my best, I promise."

Soft hands were threading through her hair. "I know you are, kianga. Please don't do this again."

Lilavati relaxed into Iltani's gentle grasp, somewhat safe in the knowledge that at least one person in the world loved her deeply and would fight for her no matter what.

As she was lulled to sleep by the soft motions of Iltani playing with her hair, she heard her murmur, "I love you now and always, my Krishna's Lila, don't you ever doubt that."

~

There was a soft knock at the doors of her chambers. Lilavati raised her head to fix her gaze on the grained tall doors.

Who could be visiting me at this time?

Iltani had spent a few days with her, and they had spent the time in silence or softly talking, and she had helped her work through the memories of her past and her repressed emotions because of them. She frowned, her hand drifting to her hip out of pure instinct.

The knock came again.

Lilavati knew no one would come willingly to visit her.

Still, she rose, quickly checking her reflection in the shaded mirror in case it was someone important, and opened the doors.

Beyond the doors stood Maharaani Nagnajiti, a soft smile playing on her demure face, though she held some otherworldly aura. Today, the queen was dressed in a golden saari, and Lilavati wondered in the back of her mind if the one who had sewn this dress had somehow managed to catch sunlight and reflect it in the saari.

How do all of Natha's wives appear so radiant and so beautiful all the time?

"May I come in, Lila?"

The quiet voice of the daughter of Nagnajita snapped Lilavati away from her thoughts, and she remembered her manners and joined her hands in greeting.

"Pranaam, Maharaani."

Nagnajiti's smile widened, and she raised her hand in blessing.

"May your love for Krishna grow in leaps and bounds, Lila and may you heal from the pains of your past."

An involuntary smile stretched Lilavati's lips.

"Please, come in, Maharaani."

Nagnajiti rolled her eyes and sighed, "Lilavati, if you continue to call me Maharaani then I will be quite cross with you."

Lilavati fumbled with her words, and let the wife of Krishna pass her in one sweeping movement. Nagnajiti sat down, and indicated to her to take a seat as well.