To Love A Murderer | ✔

12 | Starry Nights

Lilavati sighed. Her latest nightmare had had her woken up in a sheen of sweat, her body hot despite the coolness of the night.

It is a good thing perhaps that I don't remember my nightmares all that often...

This nightmare though, was far more vivid than she remembered and the images unnerved her to her bones. She shivered as a cool breeze entered her room.

She rose from the bed, moving swiftly and sinking to her knees in front of the Vishnu murti—that was the only thing she had asked for to be placed in her room.

"Natha," she murmured, curling her fingers into a fist and looking down at her trembling hands.

"I'm tired," the words spilled out of her. She blinked away hot tears.

"I'm tired—tired of everything. The memories, the nightmares, the blood. Will these actions follow me forever?"

There was no response.

She was breathing heavily.

To distract herself, she lit two diyas and laid them carefully by the two sides of the murti. The flickering flames of the diya illuminated the peaceful features of her Lord, and something in her grew.

Taking in the serene form of her Lord and the protective shelter of Shesha, and Devi Lakshmi by his feet, her resolve hardened.

"Natha, I hold your purity and my love as assurance as I swear this oath that I will never again kill another human except in self-defence or unless it is absolutely necessary. So I swear and I hold my life for the forfeit."

There was no resounding change in the world and universe as it once had at the terrible oath of Devavrata Bhishma, to follow him for all his days after. The plants kept rustling, the moon still showered his silvery rays on her.

But for Lilavati, as she unclenched her fist and inspected her hand, something settled in place deep within her as though a puzzle piece had locked into position.

She looked up at her Lord, a peaceful smile now quirking her lips upwards though she felt strange.

Lilavati rose from her position and walked out of the room, not bothering to braid her hair. She wandered out into the gardens, lost in thought and her feet moving on autopilot.

As she found a secluded corner of the gardens, she stepped in and the gasp that escaped her was very loud in the silence of the night. One of the wives of Krishna was in the garden, her void-black tresses scattered around her hair like stars in the firmament, and her gaze was directed upwards.

At Lilavati's gasp, she turned her gaze on her, and Lilavati suddenly saw the universe through different eyes, as though the past, present and future were being woven through a tapestry and it stretched on to as far her eyes could see, but she saw with much more than her eyes as the images of history glittered with some unknown thread that reminded her of the stars. She thought she saw an ethereal woman weaving the loose threads of the tapestry, her hands a blur as they moved quicker than light, her body itself formed of starlight.

She blinked and she was suddenly back in her body.

The woman was regarding her with a keen, curious gaze.

Lilavati joined her hands and was about to utter an apology when the wife of Krishna shook her head, beckoning her closer.

As she moved forward, unnerved by the vision she had experienced not a few moments ago, she identified the queen as Maharaani Nagnajiti, daughter of Nagnajita and princess of Kosala.

"Sit down, Lilavati," the queen's voice was soft.

She obeyed, sinking down to the damp grass.

"Maharaani, forgive me for intruding—"