"If love was a sin, we both are found guilty"
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Amara, a kind soul that got in with the wrong crowd. She knows the feeling of pain, and loneliness. But affect...
This chapter contains some heavy and deep thoughts, about being raped. If you need anyone to talk to, don't hesitate. This is a community where we don't judge and we help each other. ________________________________
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The silence was weakening.
No one makes a move, neither saying something to break the silence.
My heavy breathing is the only hearable thing through the silence you can cut a knife with. It's deafening, my fast heart rate drops slightly to see someone. But is he here for me or the other one?
His grip losses and oxygen finds its way into my lungs, but it's not a comfortable feeling. It's needles sticking my lunges and my throat feels as if a weight is still pressing down my pipe.
Please don't leave, don't walk away and leave me here with him
The burning sensations and feeling of striving goes down as I swallow.
Even if someone has witnessed what happened, and is looking right at us he above me does not move. Neither moving his weight somewhere else, instead it lies on my body keeping me trapped and unable to move.
The time stops and the only thing that moves is my chest. I can't help but notice how fast it is going down and up in the same rate as my breaths. My panic does not it easier for me, I can feel how my brain squeezes and my breaths gets heavier as he stays on top.
Please stop, panicking.
Because it's not gonna help.
Only making it worse and I can feel tears in the corner of my eye, waiting to be let out. But I wont let them fall.
My body is exhausted and I'm tired, not just of my situation but of my whole existence. I'm so tired of having to fight through all this alone, I'm worried about myself.
If I don't get help from anyone, I don't know what'll happen. It can go in two directions, either one or the other.
I want someone to help me and keep me here, someone who worries about me. Not people that don't replay care if I live or die.
Because that feeling is worse, the feeling of existing but not being wanted. I would much rather not have to be here, in this world.
In the background of my thoughts footsteps close in, I thank god for not making him leave.
Just from who he walks, the sound I hear I know that it is with confidence and power. Like he owns the place and could do anything to whoever is on top of me, or me. If he can help me, I don't know what I'll feel.
Because I have been missing out on that for my entire life since that night.
If he wouldn't have interrupted, and the guy above would continue. I know where it was going to lead to, I have experienced it before and it's terrible. I can't describe it, the pain. But the worse pain comes afterwards. The thinking back.
