You will always be my person

Chapter 4

Liam's POV

I really don't want to go to the hospital...well I do but I don't want to see him. Niall knows that but him and the little lad tempted me with donuts and coffee. I grumbled the entire way to the car and that's where I am now...sulking.

"Ni. You know this won't end well right?"

"Li. You know for the little boy in the backseat you will not make a scene right?"

I look backwards and damn it. The frosted donut and cheeky smile. I turn back around and sip my coffee. I've been putting this off. I've called Lottie to check on Louis and I've wanted to come but memories hold me back. Niall parks the car and the other two passengers get out. I stay inside taking deep breaths.

I walk the corridors in silence remembering the last time I was here with Louis. Granted it was just the ER then a trip to rehab but the memories still ran deep. And Harry fucking Styles was no where to be found. I roll my eyes as the elevator opens and Freddie runs down the hall. He skids to a stop in front of a room which I'm guessing is Tommo's room...then it all goes red.

Harry. How the fuck can he show his face now?

I pick up my pace and know Ni is right on my tail. Harry looks at me and I just stare right back seeing red. Where the hell has he been? Why show up now? The damage is already done!

I push Niall off me and swing my fist hard into his jaw. I stand back as Harry takes the surprise punch and gathers himself. He looks mad. Good. Now we are both mad. This is getting interesting.

"Uncle Liam. STOP!" Freddie's voice rings out and I realize my hand is in a fist again.

Shit. The child. "I'm sorry Fred. I...I think..."

"We need to chat. Go inside and tell your dad all about the breakfast and let him know how uncle Niall's driving is. My phone is also in there you can play a game. I'll be in there in a minute." Harry guides him inside. I scoff. He turns an icy gaze to me and I roll my eyes.

"Lads. Let's just put it aside right now eh? This is not the place or time right now."

I scoff. "Niall you forget that I've been here before. Where was he?" I wave in Harry's direction. "No where! He couldn't even pick up the damn phone or listen to any of the messages I left! He doesn't care about Louis or he'd have..."

His fist connects with my jaw. Damn he can still punch. "Shut up Liam. You don't know anything."

"I know that your voicemail is full." I counter back. "I know Louis has been a wreck for years. I know just how dark things got for him. Do you? Do you know that he OD'd? Do you know how depressed he actually is? Do you know how hard he works every damn day to try to be at least a little like the Louis we know?" I see it in his eyes. The answer is NO. "I see your eyes H. They don't lie...never have. You don't know any of this because you haven't been here.  I HAVE! NIALL HAS! I called 20 times two years ago. I left 20 voicemails. Each one went unanswered and each one killed a part of ME inside because I did believe it. I believed in you and Lou. I thought forever was what you guys had even after the dark times I thought you'd be there Harry! Where were you? WHERE WERE YOU???!!!"

I hadn't realized I had stepped towards him and grabbed his shirt and pushed him into the wall. I hadn't noticed the tears in his eyes. I hadn't noticed the effect my speech had on him. I just had to let it all out...just once.

"Overdose?" His voice cracks.

"Yeah. It wasn't easy being the one who found him. Who broke a window to his house to get in. The one who called the ambulance then shoved him in a cold ass shower to wake him up. Helped him check into a rehab. Who stayed night after night in a chair in his room to make sure he was okay. Who went to the meetings with him. It wasn't easy for me to see him try so hard Harry." My voice breaks and I step back from him. "Where were you?" I almost cry to him.

We hear Niall open and close the door leaving us to talk but neither acknowledge it.

"I wasn't here."

I shake my head sadly. "No you weren't. Did you even hurt like him? Did you feel the same pain he felt in the absence? Please tell me all the pain was at least worth something because if he wakes up again and you leave...he won't survive it this time Harry."

"I did. Liam I did feel that pain. Like your heart had been ripped out of your chest. So empty sometimes you couldn't BREATHE! yeah I felt it all."

He walks toward me but I stand my ground. Just like I needed to let things out...it's his turn.

"I begged him not to walk out you know. I screamed 'Louis! Louis stop!' He kept walking. Life wasn't worth living. I received threats. Did you know that? Some prick named Nate and his friends found my number I guess from Louie and were threatening me for hurting him."

I'm shocked. Nate. I met him once and I didn't like him. He used Louis a lot and sadly Lou didn't want to listen when I pointed it out. We didn't hang out much but I knew Lou still talked and hung out with him.

"It got so bad I stopped answering. I stopped listening to voicemails. I turned the phone off, shoved it in my drawer, and didn't look back. If I'd known about Lou I would have come. You know that Li. I'll always come for him. Did you really search that hard for me though? You could have called Gemma. You could have done what Lottie did and call the studio I signed with after the band. You also could have called Zayne because unlike Lou he was all I had!"

He voice breaks and I can see everything he's probably spent years hiding. I've seen the same look on Lou's face every day.

"Zayne was the one who was there for me like you were for Louis. Zayne went through my entire place throwing out all my alcohol because I kept getting drunk. Every time I was on a good high who was there to break it...ZAYNE! You want to talk a good game Liam and make me out a heartless person but where were you?! I needed help too. I was broken too. I was completely fucking miserable and not only did I lose the love of my life that night but I lost two of my best friends too. Ni reached out after a year and half...hell he found me why couldn't you? I was so fragile even when he came to me so I don't blame him for not saying anything about Lou."

I sigh and run my hand through my hair. He's right. "I could have looked harder."

"YEAH YOU COULD HAVE!" He roars and I actually cower back a bit from him. "That's my life in there." He points at the door. "Louis. Freddie. I can't leave either of them. I'm not an idiot Li. I know neither of us would survive being apart again but we also have mountains of problems we have to work through. I will GLADLY relive all the heartbreak and depression and dark periods to talk it all out. I will do it EVERY DAY if I have to. FOR THEM!"

He falls to his knees and places his head in his hands. He's mumbling now so I can't understand a lot. He's shaking his head and his shoulders are shaking too. The anger in me has subsided and I kneel in front of him. I grab him around the shoulders and pull him to me cradling him almost. I feel him relax and sob into my chest. As much as we've all grown up we still have a long way to go...especially Harry and Louis.

"Shh. I'm here H. Ni is here too. Even Louis is."

He shakes his head. "What if he doesn't come back to me?"

Those were what we'd all been dreading. "He will. After all this time you've always come back to each other."

"I can't do it alone anymore. I love him Liam."

I nod. "I know." It's true. Even though I wanted to stay mad at him for everything. Even though it's been years since they've been together. I can see it. I saw it back then too. They love each other.

I don't know how long we spend on the floor but eventually his crying stops. The moment is so quiet you can hear every small breath.

We can hear the beeping through the door.

We can hear Freddie speaking excitedly to his dad.

We can hear a chair move and the door open.

We hear Niall sigh as he looks at us probably wondering what the hell happened.

Then we hear the  small voice yelling. All of our heads snap to the room and almost as if in slow motion...like our bodies weigh more than they actually do. Like we can't move fast enough.

"DADDY?!"