Hot & Heavy (Eren x Reader)

Chapter 37 - all my ghosts

You finally stepped out to find him pacing around the living room, trying to occupy himself as he waited. When the sound of your bedroom door creaking alerted him, he stood up tall in a jerked motion as if he had been caught.

"Oh! Y/N!" He paused and you could see his eyes flicker across your appearance. "I was just looking at these pictures on the shelf," he announced.

His energy brought a smile to your face as you walked over to where he was looking. It had been a while since you paid any attention to the pictures you dotted around the dorm. You remember placing them everywhere to try and maintain the joy you felt when you thought of the memories they held. You immediately noticed the dust that was starting to collect on the frames.

"I really like this one," Colt said as he pointed to a landscape of Dauper. "The colours of the sunset are beautiful. I've never seen mountains like that before."

"Thanks, I took it." You found yourself grinning slightly, remembering exactly where it came from. Memories flickered behind your eyes as you looked at the other images of the scenery you loved the most. You suddenly felt your heart swelling, longing to see those snow-capped peaks again.

"Really?" Colt gawked, not hiding his impressed face.

He seemed to show you that look a lot wherever he learned any small nugget about you. It felt strangely validating. You had grown up used to never having to share anything about yourself. Everyone you had ever loved knew everything about you. It always seemed to be easier that way.

When it came to Colt, he was like a bucket that always returned for more at the well. With a crooked smile, he whispered, "Tell me about them."

You took a deep breath in. "Well, your favourite one is from when my family went camping for the first time. My dad set up this crazy tent, super protective and secure. I couldn't believe how warm it was inside. We didn't have to stay up too late to watch the sunset."

Pointing to another photo next to it. "This one is from another camping trip and hike my family went on where we woke up super early to catch the sunrise. I've probably done it dozens of times but my mom knows the trails like no one else."

The final photo on the shelf was behind the other two, almost hidden away. "This was from our last camping trip my family took..." You had to take a pause, collecting the moving images that appeared as you looked at it. "It was a shorter one than usual. My parents wanted to go back home earlier, but I begged them to stop at this lake. It was so still that you could see the mountain and the sky's reflection..."

It had been a while since you felt like you could speak so much. You had spent so much of your life worrying about the things you said and did. It was almost as if you had grown unprecedented expectations of others before they had a chance to speak. The isolation and introspection silenced your voice, causing you to come to terms with parts of yourself you didn't want to confront.

As your tongue slipped away from your mind, you found yourself regressing again. You could see the distant expressions on your parent's faces as they stiffly posed next to each other for the camera. You couldn't remember them looking that way, feeling as different as the mountain and the sky. All you could remember was trying to keep the rocky waters as still as possible.

"You don't go camping with your family anymore?" Colt asked, bringing you back to reality. You hadn't realized your words fizzled away. He had his eyes on you, not looking at the pictures anymore.

You shook your head before you could give a verbal response. "No. Not after my parents split up." You could feel Colt tense up next to you. "Now I usually go alone."

You were finally saying things about yourself out loud that you'd always known internally but never had the chance to fully process. It felt liberating more than anything.