To Carry a Torch | KTH ✅

Chapter 8: I Want it Anyway

Yeona's POV 🦋

It's late in the evening, and I'm working on cleaning up the apartment. I feel a presence behind me, and I know it's her. Just staring at me, watching me clean up the kitchen. Judging me, it's as if her thoughts are screaming at me. My mother has been playing this game with me since I was a child.

"Hmmm," I hear her murmur, and I know she is about to start with me. When her cane hits the worn kitchen tile floor, it eerily echos through the space as she approaches the pile of dishes I have drying on the rack.

I try my best to ignore her, but I can't help but glance over, and as soon as she sees me break, she picks up a dish and holds it close to her face making a show of inspecting it with a disgusted look on her face, "Yeona, what did you use to wash these. Look at this, you missed a spot, this looks like shit....did you even use soap?"

Have I even used soap? Are you fucking kidding me right now?

I am having none of her attitude this evening. It's so hard to deal with idiotic nonsense like this when I watched poor Tae deal with an actual problem today. Taking in a deep breath, I try and tell myself not to step into her trap, but it's too late. I can feel my nervous system fly into overdrive, and I'm losing control, "Where? I scrubbed those..." I defend.

"What's this then?"

She is dragging me into her web, and I'm pissed that I'm letting her. "I see nothing," I reply, my words landing flat.

All the dishes are clean. I know this, she knows this, and yet here we are at a stalemate while she twists and turns everything into some sick psychological game. She's only happy when she is making me miserable. As I grew out of my teen years and into adulthood, I learned to stop fighting and just ignore her attempts to stir the pot, but now that I'm working with people who are treating me kindly, it only highlights how crazy her actions are at the end of the day making it hard to keep myself in check.

"Well, obviously, or you would have done a better job in the first place. I hope this new fancy job of yours has some kind of eye plan because clearly, you could use a new pair of glasses. You'll have to wash this again."

I'm two seconds away from telling her off; I'm not a kid anymore and far too old for her to speak to me like this. I have all the strength in the world to fight back. I have the reasoning skills to demolish her, but I can't. I have too much to risk here.

"Fine," I say indignantly, the words tasting sour on my tongue.

I take the dish out of her hand a little too forcefully, and it causes her to step back, "Watch it, you ungrateful piece of shit. I let you live in this house. Do you think anybody else would do that for you? No. Nobody cares about you, Yeona, and don't you dare forget it!"

Losing my cool, I lean in and narrow my eyes, "Quiet down before you wake up the entire building! It's okay to be pissed at me, but leave everybody else alone!"

My words come out cold and calm, taking her by surprise. She knows I'm right and huffs at me before retreating for the evening. I know fighting back means she will only come to harass me with double the effort the next time around, but it's too late; I've already misstepped.

Turning the water back on, I return to rewash the dish that I know is already clean, but making sure she hears the sounds of the water splashing and me going through the motions is worth it to make this situation end for the night.

In my head, I think about how much money I will make this week. When my mother asked how much my salary was, I didn't hesitate to lie. I had to, or I know she'd try and take it all from me in rent. Instead, I told her I only made a quarter of what I actually do as I dream of an eventual escape. With each paycheck, I move a significant portion of my pay into a secret savings account. I hate that my life has become an intricate web of lies just to get an ounce of peace, but it's the only way I can keep moving my plan forward, even if it is just one tiny step at a time.