Burning Heart // CL16

Seventy One

Alessia's POV

Waking up the next morning is a new experience as I bolt upright, my heart still beating as erratically in my chest as it had done the night before when I'd fallen asleep. This time instead of the excitement and rush from last night, there was a different level of anxiety in place. There was no alcohol for either of us to blame those decisions on and I'd made the move. Why had I made the move? God, I want to throw up. What if he read into it? I'd meant it when I said I wanted it to stay in that night. I couldn't handle anything else but I also couldn't lose him. What had I been thinking?

I know he said he was happy to last night but what if he wasn't able to? He couldn't last time - he'd admitted that last night and then I still thought it was a good idea to kiss him. Actually... I didn't think it was a good idea at all - I'm not convinced that I was thinking full stop. I just reacted to an impulse - there was no thinking. He made me lose my mind. Still. That can't be a good thing?

I try not to let myself get in my head about everything as I slipped the hoodie back on over my underwear and I venture nervously out of my room. I'm still unaware of the time as I don't have my phone and so I pause by the door of the other room, trying hard to listen to figure out if Ruby and Charles were still in there. I couldn't quite tell though so I give up and journey upstairs, facing a light morning shock as I run into a couple of crew members I'd forgotten Charles told me last night were coming to get the boat ready for us to go out again today.

Just the three of us. Well, hopefully we were still going to be able to go out today. Until I saw Charles I really didn't know what to think.

I get coffee for myself and for the people that are around and working before going to the back of the boat, trying to catch the sun as it is beginning to rise. In doing so, I find a very confused Kiraz running down the dock towards me. "Oh thank god you're here, I thought you'd done a runner," she huffs, doubling over when she sees me sat, chilling on the back of the boat and I just look at her confused. "I said I would come by the flat to check on you - only to find you not there!" She explains and I just let out an 'oh' as I sip my coffee and look at where she is standing on the dock. "What happened?"

"Talked it out... it's, er... better?" I tell her and I watch as her brown eyes stare at me intensely as she looks me up and down. She did seem a bit caught off guard, her hair is a mess and she's wearing the least stylish outfit I've seen her wear in years, as her panic subsides she sees me relaxed and not on the verge of a deep depression like the last time she saw me. "We decided we would go out again today, just the three of us, so we just stayed on the boat last night... no big deal," I try to reassure her but my words fail as her eyes widen.

"You kissed!" She yells and if it was possible to burn someone alive, I would do it. Not Kiraz. I'd just set myself on fire to escape the conversation. Before I know what I'm doing I'm shaking my head but my actions don't pacify her as she's practically jumping with excitement and totally ignoring my rebuttals as I walk over to her to try and calm her down but I fail miserably as she keeps on yelling. "What does it mean?"

"It means nothing... i-it was stupid. I shouldn't have done it, I just... it happened. It's done, it's in the past," I tell her flatly, closing my eyes as I let the admission roll off my lips. "God, I hope it's in the past..." I whisper and when I open my eyes Kiraz isn't looking at me but behind me.

"What she said," Charles's voice says from behind me, my blood running cold before I turn around and see him looking at ease, happy almost as Ruby is already dressed in his arms. They both look happy... why did that feel like it was a shock? It was a good thing though right? It was good that he was agreeing with me but I guess I was just... surprised about it? "And Kiraz - as much as we love having you around. We have only been around people constantly for the last two weeks since the break began - I, well, we could really do with some family time right now - just the three of us..." Charles says, coming down to step closer to me, placing a hand on my back as Ruby reached out for me. I know I must be the picture of confusion, almost jumping away from the physical contact as I look at Kiraz who just nods excitedly back at us. It's as though her and Charles have just managed to have a silent conversation and are now on the same page.