Burning Heart // CL16

Fifty Two

I give myself two minutes to cry, letting all the emotions out before I just stop. I shut it down, wipe the tears from my eyes and walk direct to the en-suite bathroom in my room. I either needed to look presentable for my meeting or I needed to take advantage of the fact that Charles was here for a couple of hours and finally use the time to shower before I was back on Ruby duty. Once out of the shower i pause for a moment, looking between a pair of comfy joggers in the wardrobe and an actual outfit. I'm busy debating the point of putting in something nice that no one will see before deciding that mentally it is a good call and so I pull on a black skin tight t-shirt and a silk black midi skirt.

Even if people can't see, I feel a little more human for doing so, making sure that the two gold necklaces I always wear are layered on top of the material as I scrutinise my appearance for a moment. I might feel like putting in an effort but I'm not going to change my jewellery and so the same studs and rings stay as I scrape the hair back from my face, twisting it into a neat low bun and doing a very quick job of trying to look like I'm not on forty-five minutes sleep. I don't bother with makeup though as I have the emotional stability of a teaspoon and so tears are inevitable. Also because I left the small bag I brought with me in the living room yesterday while searching for my perfume.

I don't want to go and find it. I didn't want to leave my room to find out that Charles wasn't going to stay and so I didn't.

I press my ear to the door that leads back to the living room and hear that it's still silence, letting out a sigh of relief as I pull all the relevant papers out around me on my perfectly made and un-slept in bed with my laptop out and glasses on, trying to absorb several days worth of information in the two hours I had left before the meeting.

I worked, hoping that for once, things might go my way. When it was almost time for me to dial onto the meeting, I moved to the table in the corner of the room, my background being the Bahraini night sky with my short notes and enough adrenaline to get me through a three hour meeting on finances.

Then there's a knock at the door and my chest fills with disappointment as I let out a heavy sigh and push myself out of the seat to walk towards the door. "Yes?" I ask flatly as I open the door and see Charles with Ruby in one arm and an apologetic look on his face.

His eyes did a quick scan of the room behind me as I'd opened the door right up. I find myself getting embarrassed when they  momentarily fixate on my laptop on the table and the mess of papers on the bed.

"I'm sorry... you were right. I was an idiot," he begins and the embarrassment switches out as I get annoyed at the butterflies in my stomach, hope bubbling away under the surface but I didn't want it there. "I thought you might want a coffee before your meeting and so..." he steps away and I see a little room service cart with a mixture of little finger foods and most importantly as Charles just pointed out... coffee.

"Thanks," I say softly, letting a ghost smile come over my face at the gesture as I step out of the way and let Charles push it in with his spare arm, Ruby's arms reaching out for me and I have to refrain my instinct to take her, wrapping my fingers around her little hand. "I'm sorry about earlier," I hear myself saying, feeling it's only right as I pick up a grape from the plate, suddenly realising I also haven't eaten yet today. Or yesterday? Honestly, I can hardly tell what day it is anymore.

"No you're not," Charles says with a smirk and I smile sadly at him as I let out a hum of agreement.

"No, I'm not," I respond with a sigh, drawing both my hands over my face, the exhaustion really setting in now as I look back at him guiltily, knowing I meant every word that was said and so did he.

That is why he was still with us right now. That was something to be relieved about because I did not want to figure out if I meant the threat from earlier. Like so many times when we met and he made me promises, I wanted the words to be empty. I think they probably were.