Burning Heart // CL16

Twenty Two

"I can't lie...I don't get that strategy call," I confess to Isa and Kiraz as we stand in parc ferme of the sprint race in Austria. Once more Verstappen was on the top step but the Ferrari's were significantly faster - it made no sense that they didn't take a win but they spent too much time messing around at the beginning of the race - fighting with each other for positions rather than challenging him.

"You heard Charles though, they'll get them tomorrow," Kiraz says and I just make a noise of agreement at her words while I look at where they were being presented with their medals but I didn't take my words back. The team was quite frankly a mess and each week Max just seemed to be extending his lead, looking impossibly difficult to beat.

Things had been slightly awkward after the dinner we had on Wednesday night and we still hadn't had a moment to clear the air. He'd left for Austria before I'd even woken up the next day and then the weekend had been busy... I mean they were normally busy but this week it was clear it was too busy for him to consider seeing me as Ferrari brought in their new upgrades. Perhaps it was a good thing, there was actually something to keep us apart while I waited for what I'd been asking for. Proof that he really had broken up with Marian because it made sense as to why she wasn't at races but...something was off and I couldn't put my finger on what.

Thursday I'd done an underwear shoot for Calvin Klein with a British friend and actor, which had been... an experience but not particularly effective for keeping my mind off the Monegasque and his relationship status. "Still..." I just say stubbornly as they agree and we get bored of the celebrations and begin the walk back to the garage.

We hang out in the garage for a little bit, keeping Isa company as she waits for Carlos to finish up the interviews and we have nowhere to rush to, all of us just sat in silence on our phones as we each post and work. Influencer life...

"Alessia?" I hear a familiar Italian voice ask and look up to see Lucia looking at me, no more words needing to be said as I ignore Kiraz's judgemental gaze and follow her out the garage and back towards the driver's rooms. I wasn't 100% sure I would even see him or what to say but I'd take the peace offering if it was extended.

I knock softly and watch as we complete the usual ritual of him hurrying into his room as he checks the corridor before closing the door. My eyes narrow at the familiarity of the situation, so common that it gives me deja vu as I look at him still in his race suit. "So?" He asks with a bright smile that makes my heart leap in my chest and all the tension that I was feeling was clearly not felt by him.

"Well done," I say as I rest against the table, watching as he walks towards me, a cocky smile on his face and before I know what's going on his lips are on mine, as though he's taking his reward as his hands slide around my waist and pull me into him. I can't help but smile into the kiss, the feeling of being wanted melting any residual awkwardness as I caress his cheek with my thumb and kiss him back. There's something about him... like when I heard his voice all those months ago and something within my body just changed. Like a switch had been flicked and I hadn't been able to find anyone else desirable ever since. It was as though every cell in my body had undergone a genetic mutation and the only time that I felt normal was when his lips were on mine and God... I just wanted to feel normal all the time.

I feel his fingers fiddle with the buttons on my trousers though and that knocks me out of my reverie as I place my hands over his and pull away. "No," I whisper as I push my hair back off my face and slip out from where he had me trapped and stood in the middle of the room as I looked at him with a frown.

"Come on... celebrate with me," he tries to tempt me, walking over and placing his hands around my waist as he goes to kiss me again and I turn my head to the side, his words not sitting quite right. "Alessia..." Hearing him say my name, hearing the frustration in his voice is what triggered the realisation as I once more pulled myself out of his arms, the frown still very much on my face as I looked around the room for something to persuade me it wasn't true as I ran the interaction through my head but nothing I thought could dissuade me of the truth. I felt dirty with his expectations and for once it wasn't a positive kind, instead the type where every cell in my body felt repelled, not by him but by myself.