Burning Heart // CL16

Eight

Lol I realised yesterday as everyone was commenting on the Marian's red flags that Charles is the epitome of that TikTok sound where it goes 'but red is my favourite colour' lol...anyways enjoy!

*****

"Do you?" He asks, head tilted to the side as he scrutinises me and my words.

"Yes...I can't imagine being in a relationship for that long. I've never even been in a relationship like that and I don't even know if I will ever want to be... so, I think it takes a lot of strength to keep fighting for love that you know is there, even when it's not easy," I tell him honestly, my voice soft and measured as I try to explain what I mean by that. I watch as he looks surprised at my answer before he gets caught up in his own thoughts on the topic and there's an element of... I don't know exactly what but maybe doubt? Not at my words but as though he's being forced to reflect on his as a result of mine.

"What about you? Family wise?" He asks, clearly wanting to move on and I can tell from the way his shoulders tense at the words that he was unnerved by my answer to his previous question. I could practically see the words running repeatedly through his head.

"One day for sure...but I've been the girl without a dad...so I don't necessarily want the marriage part first? I don't think it's needed, so I do want kids but a relationship is a different question. I don't know..."

"Really?!" He asks, full of surprise and I just nod, trying not to get drawn in by his eyes again, noticing as he takes another couple of steps towards me, still about a meter away but what alarms me the most is the fact that he doesn't seem to know he's done it as his eyes stay on mine and he tries to think of what to say next. "I think that's a shame...my dad was always amazing. Family is everything to me," he continues and I bite my lip as I tilt my head, trying to get a better angle on him and I move back on the table, trying to put every inch of space between us that I can.

"Yeah, me too...I guess my idea of family doesn't have to be parents? I have my mum, I have Kiraz and her family. I have my friends and my dog...I have a family. No doubts in my mind around that, it just looks different to yours," I tell him and watch as realisation floods over his face and a smile comes with it as he thinks over my words and nods.

It's a smile that makes his eyes crease at the corners so that I know it's real and I feel myself grinning back at him. It's such a deep conversation considering it's our first real one and the crazy thing is that I don't feel at all awkward or unsure about anything I'm saying. Everything is calm and he's helping me feel heard. "I should probably go now though..." I tell him after a moment and the smile widens on my face as it does on his as well.

"Definitely," he agrees but neither of us move. Everything becomes more amusing every moment that we wait and eventually we're both just smiling in the silence. "We are very different, no?"

"Couldn't be more different if we tried," I agree easily and his chuckle sounds like bells, melodic as it enters my ears and I feel like I could listen to him laugh forever.

"Thank you for staying...the distraction has been good," he tells me sincerely, now purposefully taking a step towards me and I gulp lightly as he stands almost directly in front of me. "We are good right? Like...can we can put everything else in the past if that's okay because I know Marian and I aren't... well, we can leave it in the past?" He asks uncertainly and my heart bursts a little bit at the suggestion because I find being near him addictive, even this conversation trapping me a little bit and I know that I want to say yes. I want to see what being around him is like...

But I'm still apprehensive, I swallow at the thought, leaning my head against the wall and twist my mouth slightly as I think. "If you stop giving me shit about what I do..." I challenge him after a moment of though and he lets out a huff of air, eyes dancing as they look at me with a smirk.