Angelina's POV:
It's been 4 nights that Daniel hasn't come over, he hasn't even looked at me or tried to talk to me in chemistry. I don't know what's happening my head is literally spinning, I feel sick from all the anxiety and nerves, I just want to go up to him and talk to him but I also know that maybe he just needs some space. I shouldn't care anyways we aren't official just friends with benefits yet I do care, I don't know if I said or did anything to make him go cold on me. It's driving me insane all I think about is if he's going to text me or if he's going to climb through my window tonight or if he's going to say something absolutely stupid in chemistry today...it's also scaring me, what if all he wanted was sex...what if that's the reason why he wanted to do the whole friends with benefits. Well no shit dummy that's why people do friends with benefits...maybe he felt more than friends with benefits maybe that's why he is pulling away...or maybe he misses Franny...maybe I'm not enough. That thought made me feel even more sick, I stand up and throw my lunch in the trash... Anna's calling after me but I need to get away I can't sit at that table with all of them when he's just a few inches away from me, I can't just act like him ghosting me isn't hurting me. I stop walking when I realize, this feeling isn't anxiety...maybe a little but it's pain, I'm hurt that he's ignoring me and not looking at me like I'm the only girl in the world. I'm hurting because I don't want to lose him. I haven't felt this way since Spencer...I start to tear up and I start to walk faster I need to get out of here, I needed to think. I reach the doors that lead out to the parking lot when I feel someone grab my arm, I turn around and see Colin...he looks concerned and worried...why? we haven't really talked since he ditched me at the party. He rubs the back of his neck saying softly,
"Uh...I uhm I wanted to see if you were ok...you were quiet today at lunch and this morning?" I just stare at him trying to figure out why he's here and not Anna or Mia or even Jack. He shifts uncontrollably saying,
" I know I kinda screwed things up between us and I am sorry about that...I just got in my head and thought maybe you were just feeling pressured to kiss me since Mia was so excited about us becoming a thing" for some reason that pissed me off.
"I don't get pressured to do anything...when I kissed you and hung out with you it was because I genuinely wanted to" he immediately saw the anger and quickly says,
"No no of course I was just stupid and should of ignored my overthinking" I sigh and run my hand through my hair saying softly,
"It's ok...I forgive you, I just have a lot going on and this anger isn't towards you, I hope we can move forward and become friends?" He smiles softly and says
"I'd like that a lot...do you uhm do you want to talk about what's bothering you?" I smile softly happy we finally addressed the elephant in the room but right when I was about to say anything I see Daniel standing down the hall, when he sees me looking at him he walks into a class
"Uh no I uhm I have to go I'm sorry Colin thank you for checking on me" I walk past him and head down the hall walking into the classroom, I see Daniel pacing with his hands on his head
"Daniel what's going on?" He doesn't say anything but I can tell he's pissed, I wait a couple more minutes and then say softly
"Daniel..." he looks at me but there's rage and jealousy in his eyes, I look at him trying to figure out what's even going on but he doesn't say anything for a couple minutes then says
"That didn't take long" I don't say anything...I can't, there's no way he just said that shit to me he must be out of his mind. I start laughing I can't help it, it has to be some joke
"What's funny Angelina?" He says annoyed, I keep laughing and look at him finally saying after controlling myself
"You! You ghost me for 4 damn days and then assume I've moved on to someone else...it's quite funny Daniel"
"That's funny to you?!" He says with a bit more volume
"Yea Daniel it is! Because I have no idea what's going on and you won't let me in! And now you think I'm just going to talk to another guy?! A guy who ditched me at a party! It's fucking hilarious!" He rolls his eyes and says
"You always play this innocent act Angelina...I saw how you looked at him!"
"Daniel you sound fucking crazy! We aren't even dating! You decided to be friends with benefits! If I were to talk to a different guy which I'm not if you care to know, that shouldn't be a damn problem!" He looks at me and I feel myself turning red, I don't know what's going on in his head but he's pulling away for some reason and he's using what he think he saw as an excuse to pull further away. I take a deep breath and say softly
"What's really going on Daniel...just talk to me" I walk closer to him and he looks away so he can't look in my eyes, I grab his chin and make him look at me and say softly
"Just look at me...touch me" I grab his hands and place them in mine...he goes soft for a second then cold and says
"Because that's all you want from me huh? Sex? How about you go ask Colin" I look at him for a second, I feel tears build up and I pull away from him now feeling betrayed and hurt and angry
"Fuck you Daniel" I walk out of the classroom and head for the doors as tears run down my face. I don't know why that hurt me so much but it does...it hurts like hell and I just want to go home.
⚜️
When I get home I see my moms car in the drive way...she must of been working from home today. I sit in my car and wipe my eyes, I don't want her asking me what's wrong because I'll break down and I'll want her to hold me and tell me it's ok that everything is ok that we're ok that our family is ok. I don't know if I'm ready to forgive them but I miss them god I miss them and I think this whole Daniel thing is hurting me so much because I love him...god I love him and he's been so patient and sweet and kind to me throughout this whole shit show and all of a sudden another person I love has turned on me. I know I shouldn't love him since it's only been 3 weeks but I do...I haven't loved someone romantically since Spencer and I feel guilty, I feel filthy because I'm betraying him and Anna. But when I was with Daniel I don't even think of that feeling because I am lost in the haze. I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath getting out of my car, I walk into the house and I shut the door...my mom was on a call so I tipped toed to my room and shut my door. I put on some fuzzy socks and climb in my bed curling into a ball, everything feels so wrong I told myself I wouldn't get involved with anyone I was going to be invisible but no...I cry softly into my pillow everything feels so backwards. I hear my door open, I know it's my mom but I don't turn to look at her...I can't , she walks over to the other side and lays next to me. She's quiet for a moment then says softly
"Angelina...I'm sorry for not talking to you when I found out, I just...I just thought maybe if I spoke with your dad first to see if he would come to see you it would make you feel happy...I didn't realize that you knew and I didn't realize that you were hurting from his absence. I wish I could go back and change it love I do and I wish I just spoke with you...I am so so sorry my love I am I will forever be sorry" I take a shaky breath and look at her, she was crying now too...I reach out for her hand and squeeze it
"I forgive you mom" I see her smile as more tears fall down her cheeks, she kisses my hand and whispers
"Thank you" i sniffle and snuggle into her, god I missed her so much, she kisses my head softly and says
"Talk to Rachel she feels awful and she misses you love" I sigh and say
"I will" she smiles and looks at me and says
"What else is going on love?" I start to cry harder, she pulls me into her and whispers my name then says
"Oh honey what's going on?" I take a shaky breath and tell her everything, all of it from the party to now...she doesn't say anything but listens to me.
"The worst thing is mom...I love him and I feel like shit because I shouldn't love him so fast, I feel disgusting for loving him because I'm hurting Spencer and Anna" she smiles softly and says
"Honey Spencer loved you so so much...I know what happened to him was painful but you have to let go of him. I know that hurts and I know you feel like you're betraying him but you're not my love...it's ok to grieve, it's ok to heal, but it's also ok to move on...it's been a year and half now and I'm sure he wouldn't want you sitting here hating yourself because you've fallen in love again. There's no timing for love whether it's 3 weeks or 2 days...people make it out to be awful but people are different some fall in love easy and some don't it depends on them and their person. Though I do think you need to tell Anna and I do think you need to talk to him, he's clearly pushing you away for some reason find out" I wipe my tears away and just hug my mom tightly, she's definitely made all the mess in my head clear. This is what I needed the whole day, we stay like this for hours just talking about everything, about Daniel and about her job. Later that night I slip out of my window and head over to Daniel's, luckily there was a vine ladder right next to Daniel's window as well or I'd have to face his mom which wasn't on my bucket list. I climb up the ladder and before I knock on his window I have to catch my breath...climbing that ladder is a bitch I don't know how he does it. I knock on his window and within a few seconds he comes and opens it, he looks at me then steps aside so I can climb in..I look at him when I finally get in and say
"You're not pushing me away Daniel Seavey, I don't know what's going on but you need to talk to me...because I'm not leaving until you do!" He looks at me and takes a deep breath then says
"I was a dick and I'm so so sorry Angelina...I saw you with Colin smiling and I just got jealous and then I thought about you leaving me because I've been distant...so I thought to just push you away" I step closer to him and say softly
"I'm not leaving you for Colin Daniel don't be stupid" he chuckles and says
"When it comes to you I can't think clearly" I smile and wrap my arms around his neck and whisper
"Don't do that again...just talk to me" he wraps his arms around my waist and says
"Never...I'm sorry I'm so sorry I know you don't want me just for sex I was being an idiot" I kiss him, I don't even want to talk about it anymore I just want him close to me he pulls away and whispers
"I love you...that's why I distance myself because I love you...you don't have to say it I know it's early but I do" I smile wide and kiss him and whisper back
"I love you too"
أنت تقرأ
The New Girl
أدب الهواةAngelina told herself that she wouldn't get involved with anyone, she was going to finish her senior year minding her own business and focusing on getting into college. However her neighbors had a different idea in mind!
