My Light, My Jimin

Chapter 4: Homework

Focus!

I duck my head down, forcing myself to work out the problems. My ears don't stop and I listen across the room as he settles on the sectional sofa and begins flipping through papers. Odd. I would have assumed that's what his classroom was used for. Maybe he gets lonely down there.

Professor Min turns toward me and my body reacts like a power surge, looking directly at him.

His expression changes when our eyes lock, eyebrows lifting like he's surprised to see me here. A spark goes off inside me, an odd sense of excitement when I know I've thrown him off his rhythm. This is the second time we've been caught in a staring contest, and I'm nothing if not competitive.

I lean forward in my seat, unblinking. If he wants to stare, I'll do it right back.

It works perfectly, with Professor Min immediately averting his gaze back down to the papers sitting on his lap. I expected more of a challenge, but satisfaction blossoms in my chest. I can't help but feel like I've won.

Returning my gaze back to the table in front of me, my stomach suddenly twists. I've never made a grown man cower from me, usually it's the opposite, and the feeling is unsettling. I'm not the intimidating type even though I try my hardest. It's both infuriating and intoxicating how much I want to stare and apologize.

"Hello, there."

The deep, low voice snaps my head up, a shiver skating down my spine. Professor Min stands across the table, his veiny hand resting on the back of the blue chair. How did I not hear him approaching? My heart skips when he takes me in, his eyes almost hauntingly dark.

I break our stare, shuffling papers to look like I'm busy. "Hi."

He swallows and I see his Adam's apple bob. The subtle way he glances around us makes me stop. Is he nervous? Around me?

"Would you mind if we talked for a moment?"

I hesitate. This feels like a trick question, but what game would he be playing? I've done nothing wrong other than glare, and he can't prove anything since there's no cameras in the classroom. Even if there was, how would that warrant me getting in trouble?

I nod slowly, unsure where he's going with this, but still curious.

Professor Min doesn't sit. Instead, he leans on the chair like it's his support. I'm distracted by his hands, so big around the edges. I wonder if he plays piano, he'd be really good at it.

"I didn't mean to upset you earlier if I did," he apologizes gently. "I know how it looked, and that wasn't my intention. As one of my students, I want you to learn in a comfortable setting where you can feel free to ask me for help."

I expect Professor Min to let it go at that. Instead, he takes his hands off the chair, leaning on the window. "I want us to get along if that's possible. You seem to be a very bright student."

The compliment throws me off. The entire conversation is throwing me off. Can a teacher really ask for forgiveness from a student this easily? I always thought pride would get in the way, labels of boss and employee created little room for empathy.

Taking a breath, I say, "It's okay. This time of year just isn't going well for me so far."

Professor Min blinks. "Can I ask what's upsetting you?"

"It's too big to explain."

He leaves it alone, nodding thoughtfully. "It looked like you were writing," he says. "Is it homework?"

I frown. "Geometry. I hate it."

He smiles softly; I like that. "Professor Kim Namjoon is a mathematician. I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping you."

"I dunno," I mumble. It's good advice, but there's the fear behind it of looking like a failure when everyone else seems to understand everything. I'd rather suffer alone. A silence settles between us. Worry sets in me that he might leave, and I try to think of something to say to keep him here.

"What if you helped me?"

He freezes for a second, then recomposes himself. "I'm not sure you'd want an English teacher helping with math. I'm good at what I do for a reason."

Thinking it's more impressive to come across as casual, I shrug. "I'll ask Professor Kim."

He nods again, says goodbye, and leaves for the humanities building. When he disappears, a mania seizes me, a need to run. I snap my notebook shut, grab my backpack, and start off toward the dorm.

All the while, my head keeps replaying our conversation. How easygoing he was talking to me like I was a friend of his. How my stomach kept flipping when his gaze would scan me up and down. I've had crushes on people in the past, even teachers, but none have ever gone farther than me fantasizing and then moving on. And none have ever been male teachers.

With Professor Min, it's like I make the calls. I have the power to make a grown man cower. And oddly enough, that makes me feel powerful. Does he even know what he's doing, what he's getting himself into? It's enough to make me crazy, thinking these things that no one else would ever care for.