marigold | sh. - hj. | correcting atm!

insecure

hongjoongs birthday ended with seonghwa treating them a fancy dinner in the town's best restaurant. seonghwa worked extra more hours so he could fulfill that. they got home late and moon was already passed out in the backseat of the taxi while hongjoong felt the feeling nervousness build up inside of him. 

when they arrive at home, rowoon will probably be there and that bothered him. he wanted them to be alone but there's nothing he could do. he sees the lights of the apartment while he gets out of the car with moon peacefully sleeping on his shoulder. 

looking at seonghwa, hongjoong thinks the other feels his nervousness too but seonghwa gives him a reassuring smile.

"don't worry, he's nice so be nice too."  hongjoong laughs, opening the front door to the building. 

"this sounds like something you would say to moon." 

"you two are the same that's why."

because of their conversation, hongjoong didn't notice them already about to enter the front door to the apartment and when the door opened hongjoong was stunned. a tall handsome male standing in the kitchen welcoming them with a smile. hongjoong returns it and bows with his eyes glued on the floor wanting to hide in seonghwa's room. 

rowoon was everything hongjoong's not. he is few years older than him and incredibly handsome like a puppy trapped inside of a model body. how he stood there in a white t-shirt fresh out of the shower, hongjooong couldn't stop but think about how much better he is than him. how much better he'd look with seonghwa by his side. 

he walks to seonghwa's room and lays down moon on the bed, tucking him in. he keeps seated for a while as he caresses moons cheek asking himself, 

"what if seonghwa only looked for me because he wanted me to have a relationship with moon? what if seonghwa isn't interested in a relationship with me at all?"

if he only knew that wasn't the case at all but he never felt so insecure about himself yet he didn't want to be disrespectful and not greet the other correctly. after all he was staying inside of his home. so he gathered all his last energy to hide his worries and steps out of the room. 

"I'm sorry, I put him into bed. Hi, I'm hongjoong."  he said putting on a smile.

"yea I know, I listen to your music actually. nice to meet you." the conversation keep going and hongjoong just wanted it to end honestly, he didn't feel like talking, all he wants to do is lay in bed and let his thoughts run thru his head but they keep on talking as he keeps on playing his role.

"well sadly I haven't found myself a partner yet. I thought at thirty-three I'd be married but I'm confident there's someone waiting for me."  hongjoong hoped that he was married or something  but sadly that hope was gone.

"ah hyung, i bet there are tons of girls waiting in line for you." hongjoong answered while laughing but rowoon shyly smiles while rubbing his neck. 

"I'm not interested in girls."  he admits and hongjoong is losing his mind.

"oh, i bet there are also a lot of boys crushing over you too."  he responded and starts laughing but what the others don't know is his anger already building up. 

"well I'm very tired because of all the flying and stuff, I think I'll go the sleep now." 

hongjoong's thoughts were all over the place. he was angry and frustrated but most of all he felt defeated. seonghwa had no reason to like him back when there is someone way better right in front of him. he lays beside moon on seonghwa's bed, spooning the little one remembering the conversation seonghwa and him had over the phone.