marigold | sh. - hj. | correcting atm!

afraid

"i got you and moon a flight to Korea." 

seonghwa couldn't believe what he just heard his brother say. he wasn't ready to go back yet. 

"w- what do you mean? I didn't agree to this." he asks with his voice shaking and tears forming in his eyes. 

"you said you'd go back to tell everyone the truth, seonghwa." his older brother was concerned about him. he'd been hiding for years and it will ruin him the longer this goes on.

"I know I did but I can't." he hiccuped as quietly as he could since moon was sleeping. 

"yes, you can. please think about moon, how will it be for him when he's older when he founds out his father didn't even know about his existence. how will it be for him when he finds out you lied for him his whole life?" 

seonghwa doesn't even want to think about it. he knows he at least needs to tell hongjoong or else it'll have even worse consequences. 

"but I'm so afraid." whispering to the phone while he looks at moon peacefully sleeping, thinking about the pain he'd need to go thru if he didn't try to fix this situation. 

he can't let his own fear have his son's life ruined. he can't be selfish anymore. it was time for change, no matter what price he needs to pay. seonghwa's not just gonna do it for moon, he was going to do it for himself too. finally he wouldn't need to live with this weigh on his shoulders anymore.

-

"are we finally meeting daddy?" moon questioned excitedly while they walk out of the airport in seoul. seonghwa nodded and watches his smile grow wide. it was obvious, moon couldn't wait to finally meet his dad but seonghwa can only think about the different reactions he might get. it makes him nervous, he also thinks about various explanations he could say to moon when things get really bad. he makes sure to not get noticed by someone. it would be worse for hongjoong to find out seonghwa has a child that look exactly like him thru the media. 

the first night his anxiety was even noticeable to moon. he sat in the hotelbed looking outside the window when moon sat on his lap to get his attetion. seonghwa turns his head to meet the same eyes he sees when he looks in the mirror. 

"what is it baby?" he pats moon's head.

"what are you thinking about mommy?"  asking with his big brown eyes. seonghwa asks himself if it has always been so easy to read his emotions,  if his 3 year old son was able to tell. he tries to play it off smiling at moon and putting his head on his chest like he always does. reminding him of the first time he had moon laying on his chest when he was born. its comforting, his worries don't matter because at the end of the day he still has his baby moon and that's all that matters. 

"it's nothing important baby. don't worry about it." he caresses his head, noticing the small one getting more tired so he lays down with moon in his arms.

"i'm excited to meet daddy tomorrow." 

"i know you are, now let's sleep so the wait won't feel too long okay?"  moon nods his head, closing his eyes and snuggling closer to seonghwa who continues to smile.

"i love you the most in this whole world, never forget that." seonghwa says kissing the top of moons head.

"I love you too, mommy."

-

seonghwa wants to run again but he already made it so far. he's just scared of hongjoong's reaction. he didn't even know if they still lived at the same dorm. the only thing he had was wooyoung's number but what if he changed that too?

"there's only one way of finding out." he thinks. when moon was sound asleep he goes to the bathroom and digs up wooyoungs number from somewhere on his phone and starts texting him. 

he types and deletes.

then types again, thinks about backing off then deletes again.

me

hello.

seonghwa couldn't think about anything else to text. 

wooyoung

if you don't tell me who you are I'm blocking this number.

me 

it's seonghwa.

wooyoung 

i get texts like these all the time. don't even play with me. i'm blocking you.

me

no wait. I promise it's me wooyoung. I can't prove it you just have to trust me.

wooyoung

even if you we're I haven't seen seonghwa for years. he left without saying anything so there's no reason for me to trust him anymore. 

that part hurt. they all must think that way.

me

I'm sorry I won't bother anymore.

seonghwa lays his phone away and already gives up. he wasn't welcome anymore. not that he thought he ever would be, he just didn't think it would hurt that much. 

but wooyoung was right no one of the members have a reason to trust or talk to him anymore. leaving ateez was a shock for them too. they didn't think the reasons he told the company were valid. none of them felt like he was uncomfortable, they did notice the tension between him and hongjoong but never did they think he'd leave so suddenly. 

again seonghwa starts blaming himself for this outcome. he cries against the bathroom door thinking about what's happening next. until he heard his phone vibrating on the sink. reading 'wooyoung' he feels too scared to pick up. what if he'll curse at him just like the voices in his head have been? 

it's his only chance to get hongjoong and moon to meet. that's the reason he came here for so he picks up the phone not saying a word but he was sure you could hear his unsteady breathing and sniffing thru the phone. he didn't heard anything for a minute and is about to hang up again until he heard someone's voice say, 

"seonghwa hyung?"