Doubtful

16.

To say I was hurt was an understatement. I was ultimately defeated. I don't know how I can come back from this. How could I be so foolish, to let someone this close? Let someone ruin me this way. Make a fool out of me. I've been made to look like an idiot. I feel so exposed and, exploited.

Alyssa sat with me, staying quiet. Understanding that I was taken back. Charli walked into the room, she seemed more calm now. My face damp from hot tears flowing down my face.

"What's wrong?" Charli asked.

"Here just listen." Alyssa said giving her the phone.

Hearing it a second time just made me angry now. She played me. Played me as if my feelings meant nothing.

"Gage, I." She was struck for words.

"Yeah me too." I responded.

I stood up. My friends just looked at me, not sure what to say or do.

"I'll be home later. I just need to drive." I told them.

"Gage, I don't think that's a good idea. You shou.." I cut Alyssa off.

"Alyssa. Just let me do this. I can't control my feelings, or what she did. The only thing I can do, is drive. Let me do this." I explained, cold faced.

She nodded, letting me go. I got in the car and just drove. I drove for hours. I wasn't sure where I was. That was until I noticed the welcome sign. It read welcome to Maryland. I'm home. I drove that long? There's no turning back right now, I have somewhere to go. I continued driving, till I stopped at the grave yard. I parked and got out. Walking to the most familiar place I've come to know, anytime I'm home. I stood there, looking at her head stone.

Natalie Rose Hamilton.
2000- 2019
"I am gone but, you must keep breathing."

I'm not sure you're right about that anymore nat.

"It's been awhile." I say to her.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you more, life has been busy. I'm sure you understand." I continue.

"I feel like I need to say sorry. I've been playing myself, thinking that falling in love with this girl at school was a good idea. I thought I could move on, I was wrong to try." I spoke, kneeling down to fix the flowers.

"It looks like your mother has been here. She's the only one who brings the daisies. She swears it was your favorite flower, she's wrong. I know you prefer, white roses." I said.

"Why did you have to leave? I needed you nat, I still do. No one can ever measure up to you. I feel lost, I know it's been four years but; you were my person. There's no doubt in my mind, that we would still be together if you were here. We'd be at duke together, still competing against each other in track. I'd still beat your ass at the mile run though. We would get ice cream still after comp, I miss that. I miss you more than you know nat. I dream of seeing you again all the time." Words gushing out of me like a waterfall.

"I love you." I finished, getting back up.

"She was important to you? This girl?" I hear an unfamiliar voice behind me.