When All is Lost

Chapter 46

Prisha nodded. "I'm sure they don't want us after..."

After what I discovered? Definitely not.

Prisha, however, wasn't looking at me. She was still blissfully ignorant of the fact that our hosts were cannibals. Instead, she was staring at the bloodstain by the stall's door. After everything that had happened, I had almost forgotten that I'd provided Gertie's group with their next meal.

I gagged, causing Prisha's eyes to widen in alarm, but I waved her off. "It's not like that. Gertie wants us gone because the storm is over." It was an excuse but a truthful one.

"Did she say anything about them?" Prisha asked tilting her head towards the wall that connected us to the teens.

When I'd gotten back, I'd informed my group and the teens of my decision to take them with us. No one had any objections. My group had some reservations, most coming from Ray, but it was clear that Prisha had been heavily campaigning on the teens' behalf while I'd been gone.

"She's fine with us taking them."

As of tomorrow, the teens were going to become mine to worry about. I'd already taken a mental note of the clothing that we would need to distribute to them. There was only one last thing I had to take care of before I could sleep.

Ian.

He wasn't trying to hide that he was worrying about me. His sending over Prisha hadn't exactly been subtle. He was still looking out for me.

In the time since I'd gotten back from meeting with Gertie, I'd managed to make one other discovery. I had been wallowing in self-pity since Ian's confession, not even processing it. I had felt grief for Chris and for myself, I even felt empathy for Gertie's grief, but I'd never taken the time to really understand Ian's.

He lost his best friend.

For whatever mistakes he'd made, he had real regret. His pain was acute and since his confession, I could see it etched into his every expression – even his smiles.

I knew how much Chris had liked Ian from all the stories he'd told me about him. Ian had been one of the only bright spots for both Chris and me during our time trapped in the apartment. Chris had had a friend to help him pass the long days and the stories of their adventures made my world feel a little bigger and a little warmer. His existence had made me feel less alone.

Whatever we were about to face, I knew it was going to be difficult. For that reason, I had to forgive Ian. But when I looked beyond the necessity and my own selfish thinking, I realized that I could forgive Ian because he was forgivable.

I had made mistakes, too. Abby. Owen. Mark. Paula. So many deaths stemmed from my mistakes and failings. Ian hadn't meant to fail Chris, he simply did. His road to redemption was in taking better care of the people around him. From everything I'd seen, he'd been doing just that.

My hand moved to where my hideous scar sat beneath my shirt. I could still feel the raised bumps, but for once, I didn't feel utter disgust. In my failings that lead me to receive the scar, Ian had already found some of his redemption – he'd come back for me. He hadn't left me behind. Instead, he'd done everything he could to save my life.

Whether or not I felt something more for Ian was irrelevant. He deserved to be unburdened from his guilt and if I had the power to grant him that, I would.

"I'm going to get some sleep," I unceremoniously told Prisha as I stood and left her in my spot with my map. Ian's eyebrows raised as I plopped myself down next to him.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hi?" He looked baffled by my move and looked around to check that Misty, our nearest companion, was asleep. Her soft snores confirmed it.