When All is Lost

Chapter 26

I managed to fall back asleep despite the happenings around me, but I eventually woke up because I was shivering too hard. Snuggled down between Prisha and Carlos, only mere inches separated us but that had been enough before. Now it was anything but enough. I was so cold that my joints ached and I deeply regrated letting us choose a shoe store.

We lacked the big heavy blankets that were unreasonable to carry any long distance. It was a mistake to not go to a house where we'd likely find them. As I shifted a little closer to Prisha, I could see the small tremors running through her body as well.

We need more.

Clothing couldn't wait anymore. The need for it was dire. We could survive off some candy bars just fine, but if the temperature dropped again...

Layers aren't enough. We need gear.

I'd watched Paula give up both her jacket and gloves to Jamie and Ray. She'd known how serious our situation was getting. When Carlos had tried to give her his gear, she'd adamantly declined, reminding him of his health. I was scared to even question what she'd meant.

All I knew was that I was on the verge of asking Prisha to cuddle. I didn't even mind any of our funky smells anymore as long as I could feel warm again.

I would have given anything for a fire. While I knew there were some very legitimate concerns over setting one, I was sure if we all worked at it, we could build a fire. It couldn't be that hard.

Until it signals every person nearby to our location.

I sat straight up. My brain rushed with new thoughts. I knew we couldn't be the only ones who were desperate. Someone else would want to light a fire too.

Don't do it. Not yet. We don't need to do that yet.

There was still hope of finding houses that weren't occupied or picked over. Part of me wondered if we hadn't gotten snatched and put in an apartment for months how things would be different. Maybe we would have been able to find our own gear or a house to stay in with the items we needed. Maybe we would have been able to get back east before winter hit.

Maybe Chris... No.

Chris was gone. I missed him but I'd buried him. I had to put him away if I was to keep going.

And I have to keep going.

Sniffling came from the other side of the room. At first, I thought it was someone with a nasty nose drip until I remembered the whispers I'd heard deep in the night. Someone was crying.

My body protested, but I stood up, hugging myself as if it would fend off any cold. Whoever was crying, I couldn't see them. Ray was by the front window keeping watch. He stiffened as though he'd heard me rise, but he didn't turn around. In fact, he seemed to posture himself even more firmly facing the front.

It didn't take long for me to realize why. On the counter laid Lindsay and she was unmistakably dead. Her body hadn't yet stiffened, but her eyes looked unnaturally closed and her mouth was slumped. Someone, however, had clearly cared for her as her hands had been placed to rest together on her chest.

Making my way towards her, I also got closer to the sniffles. On the opposing side of the counter, I found Misty. I knew instantly that she hadn't slept at all. In the early morning light, I could just make out the anguish on her tear-streaked face as she sat on the floor hugging her knees.

I hated grief. Everything about it was ugly and sharp. Even after time, it became a dull thud in the heart that you were left carrying. There really was no true relief from it. It was a matter of learning to live with it.