Camo and Navy Blue [Book Two]

Twenty-Five

Olivia

Losing Maureen really drew the color from our lives. Nothing was the same and never would be the same. Our little girl should be looking forward to the upcoming holidays and meeting her baby brother, instead she was laying in a plot right beside her mother's in the cemetery.

I fell into a deep depression and ended up leaving the force for good. I decided I spent too much time away from my kids, and now that Maureen was gone, I didn't want to do that again with my living children.

"How are you feeling, Mama?" Kathleen asked as she leaned against my bedroom door. Elliot was at work, and I was busy folding baby clothes that I had rewashed. I was a week past my due date, so I needed to figure something to do to waste my time.

"I'm okay, Katie. Thanks for asking," I replied quietly. She walked to where I stood before gently touching my back. As the eldest now, she really tried to support us all. A few weeks ago the weight of being the eldest child at home really broke her, and she ended up having a brief stay at the hospital after a mental breakdown.

"Mama-"

"Babe, how are you doing? Is your medicine working again?" I mused. Kathleen sat on the edge of the bed and nodded.

"Yeah, it is. I'm so sorry about what happened... I didn't want to scare you and Daddy, but I was so overwhelmed and so sad," Kathleen whispered. I sat a pair of well loved baby overalls down onto the bed, before sinking down on the bed. 

"Baby, you need to tell me and Daddy when something is bothering you. Just because Maureen is gone doesn't mean that everything needs to fall on your shoulders. I'm home all the time now, so I can take the brunt of everything," I replied gently. Kathleen nodded hesitantly, before reaching out and running her fingertips over my belly.

"Are we going to tell him about Maureen?" Kathleen asked, and I nodded quickly. I wasn't going to go a day without telling my little boy about his amazing big sister.

"Your brother is going to know how much Maureen loved him and how great she was. But I'm going to need your help too."

Kathleen smiled softly.

"I can do that... but this baby has gotta come for me to do that. So, get going, little dude."

///

Elliot got home from work and climbed into bed with me. The kids were all sleeping, but I couldn't fall asleep until my husband got home. I always forced myself to keep my eyes open so I could check up on him. Right after Maureen had passed, I wasn't as supportive as I needed to be, so I was making up for it now.

"Any movement yet?" Elliot yawned as he rolled over to face me. I shook my head and sighed softly.

"I will probably make it to my induction," I admitted softly.

"Do you think you'll have to get another c-section?" 

"I hope not. But if I do, it won't be that bad. I know what happens, and hopefully my recovery will go as well as last time," I replied.

Elliot leaned close and kissed my lips before resting a hand on my hip as he closed his eyes.

"How was work?"

"It was fine."

"I know that tomorrow is going to be hard, so did you end up asking Fin to cover you?" I mused. Elliot swallowed hard as he opened his eyes.

"Liv, maybe it would be for the best if I went to work. I won't be here dwelling on the fact our daughter isn't seeing her seventeenth birthday," Elliot grumbled. 

"We are still celebrating. Kathleen and Lilly are baking a cake, and the twins are helping Jacob decorate."

"Great, let's celebrate our dead child," Elliot snapped, anger masking his face. I bit my lip before slowly flipping onto my other side.

///

I woke up the next morning to my husband's side of the bed being cold. I knew that was going to happen, so I tried to not let it get to me. After a shower, I went downstairs and started a load of laundry before making Maureen's favorite breakfast for the kids. Once breakfast was devoured, I packed my sons and daughters up in our new van before driving them to the cemetery.

"Happy Birthday, Mo," Jacob frowned, as he knelt down in front of his sister's headstone. 

"We should have brought party hats and noisemakers," Toby grinned, as he stood in front of me. I ran my fingers through his mess of curls and smiled tiredly.

"Even though that is a good idea, I don't think other mourners would have been excited about it."

Kathleen rested her head on my shoulder as we watched the younger four talk to Maureen as if she was sitting there with them. I wish Elliot had joined us, because he should be here to talk to our daughter.

"I had a dream about her last night... She was sitting on the rocking chair in your room, and she was holding the baby. I'm pretty certain that baby was wearing a pink hat, but I could have been just too focused on Mo to realize it was blue," Kathleen spoke. 

"Did she look happy?"

"Yeah, she did. She didn't have cuts on her face anymore, and her hair was so long. She told me that everything was okay, and that she was so proud of us."

Tears burned my eyes as I thought about my daughter being proud of us. We may have moved forward, but not in a way she'd actually be proud of. Elliot and I weren't nearly as close as before the accident, and we were all faking our smiles and laughs.

"Do you want to talk to her, Mama?" Lilly asked, as she turned to look at me. 

"Yeah, I'd love too. But I don't think I'll be able to sit down there like you four," I chuckled weakly.

///

We sat and talked until the boys got hungry and whiny. We packed up the blanket we brought and wandered back to the car. Kathleen had taken time to talk to her mother before following me down the path and to our van. I leaned against the driver's side door and called my husband. 

It rang for several moments before it went to his voicemail. I ended the call and sighed, knowing that chances are my family was going to fall apart before the little boy I am carrying turns five. 

As I climbed into the front seat, a familiar pain hit me. I hadn't felt a pain like this since I was pregnant with Lilly, since I didn't get to go into natural labor with the twins.

Maybe we'd get lucky and my little boy would share a birthday with the big sister that had been so eager to meet him.