Camo and Navy Blue [Book Two]

Eleven

Elliot

"Mama and I love all of our kids the same... You two are included in that," I frowned as I looked at my sons.

"No, you don't! Mama yelled at us but didn't yell at Jacob! Lilly cries all the time and Mama doesn't get angry at her! Kathleen and Mo can't do anything wrong!" Toby yelled, which sent a nurse into the room.

"What is happening in here?" She asked with wide eyes. I scrubbed a hand down my face before turning to the younger woman.

"We are just discussing why they ran away, and they are still furious."

"Mr. Stabler, I get that these are your sons... But I cannot allow them to get stressed out. Please leave and come back tomorrow morning," the nurse ordered. I sighed softly and looked at the boys.

"She loves you two, and I do too," I frowned, before grabbing my jacket and walking out of the boys' hospital room.

I pulled out my cell as I walked towards the elevator. I scrolled through my contacts and hit my wife's number. It rang and rang until it finally went to her voice mail.

"You have reached Sergeant Olivia Stabler. Please leave a message, your name, and number. I'll call you back when I can," Olivia's voice spoke. 

I groaned deeply before speaking.

"Hey, baby. The nurse is sending me home, so I am going to head back to the precinct and tie up some loose ends. You should go home and rest. I'll be there soon. I love you, Olivia."

///

Olivia

As I stood outside of my mother's apartment, tears streamed down my cheeks. I was so numb at this point that I don't even remember coming here. I know she showed up a few minutes ago, so now all I have to do is get up enough nerve to go in and see her.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, but I ignored it. I knew it was Elliot, and I didn't feel like talking to him right now. My children hated me, and so did Elliot. So what's the point in talking to any of them right now?

I was still zoned out on the front door when someone opened it. I blinked a few times and swallowed hard when I saw my mother standing there. She looked at me and gave me a gentle smile.

"Hey there, Liv. What are you doing here?" She asked.

"My kids hate me, my husband suspended me and called me a jerk, and I'm not feeling very good about myself right now. I came here because I needed to talk, and I feel like if I talked to my mother-in-law or any of my coworkers... someone would tell Elliot. I can't have that," I sniffled. My mother walked down the stairs and to where I stood.

She wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me away from the car. I leaned heavily on her as we walked up the stairs and then into her building.

///

Upstairs, my mother made breakfast for us both while I made tea. I didn't even know how I managed to make tea, when I was barely there. I was so unfocused and uncomfortable.

"Elliot asked me to sit with the kids when he went to make some calls. Tobias and Jasper are so angry, and I think the only way they will relax is with time," my mother spoke, as she sat a plate of eggs in front of me. I looked at the plate before shoving it away. I was acting like my child when they didn't like what we were having, but the morning sickness was preventing me from eating eggs.

"They hate me, Mom. They hate me for yelling at them and punishing them. I think they hate me because I'm a shitty mother and have probably way too many kids. Just wait until they find out I'm pregnant and they won't be the youngest kids anymore. I bet they will run away again, and it'll be because Elliot and I decided to not have more kids, yet here I am!" I huffed, as I got angrier with every word.

"How far along are you, Liv?" my mother asked. I swallowed hard and shrugged.

"I haven't gotten it confirmed yet. I found out the night before the boys ran away, and I've just been feeling like shit and I'm way more emotional than normal. I don't even want to confirm my pregnancy, especially since I know my kids will hate me when they find out." I frowned. As my mother chewed her breakfast, I took a sip from the mug.

"Do you want me to go with you? It seems like your support system isn't at its best right now," my mother spoke. I wanted to shake my head, but I also wanted someone there.

"I don't know... let me think about it."

My mother ate her breakfast, as I ate a dry piece of toast. This was such a strange situation, since my mother and I rarely ate breakfast together when I was younger. I had actually made breakfast for her the day I told her I was pregnant. Not long after, I was lying on the living room floor as I bled. As her foot kicked my belly.

"Olivia-"

"Have you changed?" I asked.

"Honey..."

"Have you changed? Are you sober? Do you feel bad about what you did to me?" I asked rapidly. My mother nodded slowly as she reached her hand out to me. I hesitantly grabbed it and felt as her thumb ran over my knuckles.

"I know what I did was wrong. That killing Kathy and hurting you... that was incredibly wrong. I will always hate myself for hurting so many innocent people, especially you and my grandbaby. I haven't had a drink since I got out of prison, and I go to therapy and AA meetings. I have taken my recovery into my own hands, and am making sure I am a better person. I love you, Olivia, and I promise you I have changed. Hopefully, you can see that."