White Orchids {BOOK 1 COMPLETED}

Chapter 34

The photographs are covered in black oil. It runs down their faces. My toothless smile, Emma's eyes and her blonde curls are the only things visible, and the only things I can remember. I know my dad has the same blond, curly hair as Emma but it's hard to imagine him. I can only see the pale skin.

I pull my palm over it and the thick oil runs down my hand. It won't stop, it continues to pour down like black, thick tears. It never ends. I quickly try to wipe my hands off on the pinboard.

I turn my palms upwards. They're covered in black stains that reminds me of Clover's hand. They're shaking uncontrollably, and I breathe in deeply to calm my rushing thoughts.

It's not the only thing I've forgotten. I can no longer remember my name. There's not a single trace left. I don't know if it was a long or short name, or what letter it started with.

I pick up the photographs from the pinboard and tear them to pieces. Once I'm done I throw them in the trashcan. My hands are marked; covered in a thick layer of the black oil. I try to wipe them off on my clothes, leaving oily stains.

I open the notebook and turn the pages. Most of them are covered in the same black oil. Or maybe it's ink. I had spent hours - days writing down names in these notebooks, and now all those names are covered in that oil. Emma is the only name I remember. Yet I know I'll forget that too one day. Like I've forgotten everyone else's.

I push my hands against my face and a frustrated sound escapes my mouth. I knew I would forget everything, that the notebooks were only there to slow down the process, yet everything still feels like a waste of time.

I stare out at the garden that lies behind the closed window. I have to calm myself, shut all these feelings out so I can reap Allie's soul without falling apart. The Stormcoin must also be charged. I cannot be this fragile then.

I look for the calmness inside me. The one that belongs to Laura and when I've found it I cling onto it.

***

I can hear her in my mind. Sometimes the whispers sound friendly, and other times there is pain and sorrow. Sometimes frustration. At first, I thought she was talking to me, now I believe it's memories. Maybe she's not even aware that she's dead and has been for twenty years. That she's only existing in my mind and in the memories that are still living on. Whatever is inside of me it doesn't feel complete. Like something is missing, or that I only have fragments of what once was.

I squeeze the gate stone in my hand and make myself ready. First of all, I'll need to reap Allie's soul as Laura. I'll need to shapeshift. The second, which I'm most nervous of, is the deal with the creature and him. The man - or the creature - that I'm doing this for. I'm not even sure what I should be expecting in this world, and all I can think of is how dangerous it might be.

The nurses walk straight through me and speaks in their muffled, unintelligible language. I squeeze the gate stone once more before I make it disappear from my hand.

I stop at her door, close my eyes and imagine Laura in my mind. I think of the whispers and what I've seen in the memories.

All the memories that flood in feels like my own. Like I was the one who went through everything, and that the woman on the other side is my daughter. I'm not sure where I begin and where Laura ends.

I take a few steps back and attempt to steady my breathing. How could Rampion know which parts were him? And how was he somehow able to be himself?

I walk through the door. I don't need to look at my hands to know that I am Laura. Allie is laying in the bed with open, hollow eyes. This time the man who held her hand isn't here, and it pains me that I have to take her soul now. I remember how it felt to walk into the room when my dad had died, even if I can no longer remember his face.