Run the world

not good with words

*Max*

I was shitty with words. At least when it came to talking about feelings. All the media training didn't help either. It didn't help me to express what I felt when I looked at Lia.

Maybe there were no words for it either.

In any case, I hadn't found them in the last two hours.

I bit my lower lip nervously until she finally left the Aston Martin pit with Mick. Mick looked at me, then at Lia.

"Do you want me to wait?" he asked, looking back at me.

"No. It's okay. Go to the hotel. I need you fit tomorrow." she said, smiling in his direction, he nodded, gave me another look that was probably meant to say something like "Don't hurt her or you'll have me to deal with" and then left.

Mick and I were in a similar situation. There was something going on between him and my sister, and he knew that if he hurt Victoria, I would make him pay. But it was the same the other way around. Lia wasn't his biological sister, but somehow the Vettels and the Schumachers had become very close in recent years and they were like siblings to each other. And I was sure that if I hurt Lia, he would make me feel it.

I looked after him for another moment, then I looked at Lia. She returned my gaze and looked at me expectantly.

"Let's take a walk, ok?", I didn't want all the people walking around listening to us.

I was having a hard enough time finding the right words as it was. Spectators didn't make it any better.

She just nodded, then I started moving and she went with me.

"I... I don't even know where to start," I mumbled, running a hand through the back of my neck.

"I should probably apologize first. And fuck Lia, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. But on the other hand I wanted to because...", I noticed how my words sounded.

I didn't make it any better "I wanted to... Fuck, I don't even know how to explain this. I had a fucking shitty day in Bahrain and the only good thing about it was you. I wanted to kiss you. All the time. First on the podium, then after the podium when we were talking and then in the club. But you left and I was so angry because that on the phone... That was a friend of Martin's. They were with me in the club and she thought it was funny to pretend that there was something between her and me. We were all drinking and she had no idea who you were and what you meant to me. If she had known, she would never have done that. And then first I caught Mick and Victoria and then I see you with Pierre and..."

I stopped and she stopped as well. Her gaze was fixed on me, but she didn't say a word.

"That broke my heart. To me, it felt like I lost. Not that you're someone to win like a trophy or anything, but I felt like you chose him. Because you had something from the beginning that I couldn't give you at all. I never had a chance compared to him anyway. And then I see you there and it hurt beyond belief. Just everything. I wanted you to feel the same way I did. And I'm sorry.".

I held my breath.

She still wasn't saying anything.

My breathing started to get much faster.

"Lia, I'm really not... Do you still have the letter Mick gave you?" she nodded "Have you read it yet?" she shook her head "Do you have it with you?".

She reached into her back pants pocket and pulled out the envelope "Can I...?", I asked, she handed me the envelope.

"I've been writing on this for four days because I'm... I'm really not good at talking about this stuff," I opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.