Danger Zone

Chapter 9: "I Want To Know What Love Is"

Nora picked Jules up at the airport. "Welcome back, Mrs. Cruise!"
"Fuck you!" Jules chuckled. "I do not love him, let alone am I going to marry him whatsoever."
"Yeah, my ass! You're smitten beyond belief. I've known you for more than 20 years, Jules. You cannot hide that from me."
She sighed. "You know, I am being brutally honest here now – he's a really nice guy underneath it all. Sweet, caring, all that. One could say he's attractive ..."
"SEE!?" Nora hooted.
"...if he weren't up to here" – she held her hand in front of her forehead about the height of her hairline – "into this Scientology bullshit. That alone, and the fact that his ass is shorter than mine, is so off-putting already."
"Size doesn't matter, Jules", Nora teased her. "Real talk: you look happy and sad at once."
"Yeah, because I still enjoyed my time there in Clearwater. His cult buddies creep me out, though." She paused and scratched an eyebrow. "Honestly? I like him and being around him. We had – if it wasn't in any way or form work related or his cult buddies around – one heck of a time. Just on my last day there, you know? We were laughing our butts off at some point. Simply by having some light hearted fun." She sighed. "Gotta text him that I made it back he...home."
Nora had of course noted that Jules was going to say "here" instead of "home", and for a split second, she was sure again that Tom was sneaking his way into her friend's heart.

"...miles from where you are. No likey!" She hit "Send" and hoped he'd read the message soon.

Back in Jules's loft, Nora felt that her friend needed some emotional support. Regardless if she was in love with Tom or not. "So, tell me about that bike ride."
"What's there to tell? I was riding pillion, clinging on to him for dear life, is all there is!" Jules replied with a chuckle and remembered the feeling of being this close to him, her arms around his waist. "We ended up in some park and talked about a whole lot of stuff. Just me and him, away from his sisters who apparently feel the need to play chaperons whenever he and I were around at the same time. They're nice, but keep a close eye on him."
"And then you swoop in, someone who's critical of their faith, and of course they raise the security level!"
"Basically. I think that could really put a strain on this whole thing. Really, that whole ass building where they live is Scientology from top to bottom. Was even designed by one."
"Fucking Hell!"
"Precisely. I felt out of place there at times, but since I had my den to retreat to if it got too much, I could handle it, one way or another." She paused and ran a hand through her bangs. "For the record – he hasn't tried any shit on me while I was there. I did get to meet some of his buddies, yes, but he didn't ask me to join. Yet."
"Hope it stays that way ..." Nora said. "It's enough already that he's trying to steal you away from me!"
"Says who?" Jules replied with a laugh. So far, she hadn't told her friend that she had given Tom a small glimpse into her inner world. Time to come clean. "There was one moment, though ..."
"You did kiss him?!" Nora excitedly hooted again.
"Nope. But ..." She gnawed on her lower lip. "I don't know how this happened but I opened up a bit to him."
"You did what?!" Nora looked at her best friend in utter disbelief. "Who are you and what have you done with the Jules I know?"
"I guess I ... trust him?" She sighed. "He asked why I was always so guarded, and I spilled the beans to him as much as I felt comfortable to."
"Wow." Nora was impressed. "Just – be careful, okay?"
Jules nodded. "I promised you." And I am playing with fire here. More than I'd ever meant to. She looked at her friend. "I ...don't like where this is going, though. We were sitting there, looking at each other, and all of a sudden, it felt as if I could see his soul, too." She paused again.
"Julesy ..." Nora said and wrapped her friend in a warm embrace. "I am here for you. Always."
"I know, girl. And I appreciate this so much – and you!"

Tom saw her message immediately. He smiled, but his smile didn't touch his eyes.
"Jules?" Cass asked.
"Yeah, she is back home and let me know. Good girl."
"What is that thing between you and her?" Cass prodded again.
Tom looked at her. "We're having some fun. That is all." And I like her more than I should.

"Thanks for letting me know. It's quiet here without your sass. Miss you."

Jules was sitting on the floor, her back against the wall, when she received Tom's message. She knew she should head to bed soon now to combat the jetlag, but the train of thoughts had started rolling. She was thinking about her past relationship with her Soccer Dude and how his betrayal had blindsided her. Shattered her trust forever. How her heart got broken into millions of pieces. She had been wondering if his affairs had been going on for much longer than she knew. Her bad track record when it came to her dating and love life in general afterwards.
And how Tom fit into the picture.
Had he gotten hold of her heart already? Nope. Was she attracted to him? In a strange way, yes. They made each other laugh. They were both wearing armor to hide their inner worlds. And yet, she had allowed him in a bit. For some reason, she trusted him. They both had had bad luck in their relationships – his being even worse than hers. And now he texted her "Miss you." She sighed again. "Miss you, too, Tom", she muttered. She went through her phone to look at some of the photos they had taken together. "Damn Jules, look at you being happy as fuck." And all of a sudden, she wished nothing more than being in his arms again. For longer than just a hug.

"Thanks for having me over. Miss you, too."

Tom sighed when he read her reply. "What are you doing to me, Jules?" he mumbled. Unbeknownst to him what Jules had done a moment ago as well, he looked at the photos of her – as well as the ones they had taken together. "All that sass, and yet, you're as broken as I am."
"Well, it's getting late over here. I'm off to bed. Night Tom. <3"
"Night Jules. Talk to you tomorrow then. <3" He had to re-type "Jules", as he had almost written "Phoenix" when texting her. He smiled again, as they had both sent each other a heart in their texts.

Although Jules was tired from the long flight and the jetlag, she couldn't really fall asleep immediately. Her thoughts kept racing in her mind and consequently also kept her awake. No matter what she tried, there was Tom. His smile. His sparkling eyes. The way they looked at each other. Him touching her hand accidentally. Twice. Them letting loose to "Open Your Heart" by Madonna. Riding pillion on his Duc. All of that. She sighed. "Guess I like you a bit too much, Tom ..." she muttered. Rule Number One was in effect, yes, and yet here she was. Reminiscing the moments with him. Maybe Nora was right at the end of the day and he really was sneaking his way in already? She felt her eyes well up with tears. Not because she was desperately in love with Tom all of a sudden, but because she didn't know how she felt. On the one hand, he had that very something about him which made her like him ...more than she should. On the other hand, he was still an absolute Red Flag. She felt good around him, but he also managed to catch her on the wrong foot time and again. "Fuck all of this shit, really", she moaned. Flashbacks occurred. Flashbacks from her relationship with Soccer Dude and how that had gone to absolute shit. The pain she had felt for so long. She knew – she didn't ever want to feel like that again. The heartbreak that is. And she also decided that she was going to take care of her heart a lot better now. She could not risk anything again. Not even with Tom.

When she finally did fall asleep, it was almost 2:30am.

Sleep abandoned her early again. She felt like a zombie throughout the whole day. And she couldn't stop her thoughts. Tom was omnipresent in them, no matter what she tried. Workout, occupying herself with some stuff on the web, nothing did the trick. At all. She started to feel frustrated about the situation. The last thing she needed was falling in love with him.

Later that day, Nora stopped by, as every so often. "So, how's my girl?" she asked.
"Fucking tired, couldn't sleep and ..." She didn't know how to phrase it best, but Nora knew, anyway: "He's kept you up all night, hasn't he?"
"Basically." Jules hung her head and sighed. "Him and the Soccer Dude fiasco."
"Does he know?"
"What? That there was no one after Soccer Dude?"
Nora nodded and looked at Jules.
"What do you think I told him when I opened up? Hint – it wasn't my Fireblade."
"Oh wow!"
"Yeah. Somehow I felt comfortable enough to fill him in on this sad little detail."
Nora hugged her best friend. "Be honest with me, Jules – you're in love with him already, aren't you?"
Jules sighed. "Wouldn't call it that. I do like him. Probably more than I should. But it's not love." ...yet. But who knows what's gonna happen.

"In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me"