Losing the battle

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I kept having dreams about Anthony and his love and the fact that we had a child I would hear his voice of the night very dead of night and then wake up screaming. I had to retire from being a medical examiner and try to find another job. But that didn't work because of my depression and suicidal tendencies. I tried all my best to kill myself but couldn't get myself to do it. I knewthat this wasn't what Annie would've wanted, but I was losing my mind and I was grease track and to the point where I was almost to psychotic.
I did tell the truth what I said to Ernie that I didn't know what I was going to do with autumn and even Lisa couldn't Even replace him.
I wrote a letter to Lisa soon goodbye and that I was wishing Her good luck for her career in the FBI and that I couldn't handle being on this planet anymore and I told in the letter what was happening to my mind. I did not send the letter I just left it in my lab coat pocket as I feel the needle full of succinylcholine and turn it on to myself. I killed myself on January 1, 1989 and was found to be a suicide because of the note that I left her.
I couldn't handle her being more successful than me and then she was helping people where I was just cutting them up. Soon Maria Bitchuary would be on the newspapers and my suicide was going to be on the news is the suicide of the medical examiner of New York County.
Why am I so sorry to hear the news and newspapers I assumed that Lisa had read or heard of it and that of my pending autopsy. I was going to take her down a peg by Dying. I was just glad when I died that I did not leave a religious family. Thank God my parents were atheist or I probably would be in hell by now.

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