Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 67 - Confiding

     The already sparse room was fully packed by the time the teachers returned, this time with Hizashi, to grab the rest of the stuff. With the combined force of 7— more like 6 1/2 since I'm still in a wheelchair until tomorrow— people, we moved the remaining stuff from his room in one go. I got to carry the beanbag in my lap and pushed myself in my wheelchair for once while we trekked across campus to the 1-A building.

     Once all of Hitoshi's belongings were safely inside our room the teachers left and the three of us got to work. The final product had a bed on either side of the room, desks in one corner pushed together into an L-shape, and two beanbags in the opposite corner, covered with pillows. Now also containing Hitoshi's stuff, my closet was full for the first time ever, and when all was said and done the room looked cozy and inviting. I didn't mind that we had less space than the other dorms because it felt perfect.

     "Well, I think we did a pretty good job." Hitoshi boasted, wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead. Why is that attractive? Shouldn't it be gross?

     Todoroki nodded, surveying the room. The air around him was cold as he had kept himself from sweating, looking completely unaffected by all of the work they had just done. "I thought it would end up cramped but it's honestly quite comforting as it is."

     With help from Hitoshi, I folded my wheelchair and slid it under one of our desks. It was a good thing I wouldn't be needing it anymore because there wasn't very much space for it in the room.

     "Hey uhh, does anyone have the time?" He asked, running a hand through his hair.

     I pulled out my new phone, and my eyes widened. "Everyone's going to be over in 15 minutes." Hitoshi's own eyes widened.

     "Uh, do you mind if I hop in your shower real quick? I feel gross."

     "It's yours too, Hitoshi. You don't have to ask."

     "Oh right, uh, I'll be quick, thanks." He jumped in the bathroom and closed the door fully, instead of keeping it slightly cracked open like usual. It was probably because Todoroki was here, but closing the door left me feeling alone with my own friend.

     "Hey, Midoriya." The sound of his voice startles me, and he definitely notices.

     He starts again in a quieter tone. "I didn't bring it up earlier because it didn't seem like the right time but I really can't ignore it any longer. You seem less at ease with me than anyone else in class. I've noticed you're like that with Uraraka too, but it's not nearly as bad." He sighs, looking between his hands and myself. "Was it something I did? I hate that I'm making you flinch like that but I can't figure out what I've done. What makes me different from our classmates when they reach out to you and talk to you?" The sound of the shower turning on is heard faintly from the bathroom.

     "It's not you, I promise!" How do I explain this to him? "I'm really sorry I made you feel that way." I close my eyes. I should just tell him everything, so he doesn't get the wrong idea.

     "When the... league of villains got me, they had some sort of fake version of you that looked and talked e-exactly like you. It was like when, uhm, Toga broke in disguised as Uraraka, except I hadn't known it was her. Fake-you was... not very nice, and really scary. I know that it wasn't you, but you looked exactly the same and-" I took a shuttered breath. "Sorry, I don't want to think about it when I see you but sometimes I just do. I really, really want to get over it because you are a very important friend to me, it's just going to take a while."

     "I see, thank you for confiding in me. Is there anything I can do to make things less stressful for you, or to avoid triggering you?" He looks genuinely worried. That's because he is.

     "You don't have to do anything at all, just be yourself." I smile gratefully at him. "Eventually I'll get used to it and my brain will stop associating you with fake-you." Even as I said those words, my unease at being alone with him was growing. I know that I'm safe here, but irrational thoughts are still terrifying. Imagine Toga got out and nobody's noticed yet, and she got to Todoroki and now I'm alone in this room with her, or maybe it really was the real Todoroki and Uraraka back then and they just haven't been caught yet, or maybe now that I've told him he thinks it would be funny to pretend to be with the league of villains to scare me or- I know it's stupid and irrational, so why is it still scaring me?

     I shifted slightly away from him, hoping he wouldn't notice. I struggled to maintain my normal breathing, but with my heart rate slowly and steadily increasing it felt like I wasn't getting enough air. I didn't realize just talking about it would get me so worked up. I thought I was getting better? I don't want to have a panic attack right now, I have to prove that I'm getting better!

     "Alright. Still, if you change your mind or I ever do something that you don't feel comfortable with please tell me." He asks of me, the worry subsiding slightly from his face. At least I'm hiding it well enough that he hasn't noticed.

     "Okay, I will." I say, just to make him feel better. The words are hard to force out of my mouth evenly.

     Todoroki has been such a good friend to me. I'm sure it's partially because of his own experiences with trauma so he has some understanding of how I feel, at least on a base level. I really appreciate him, even if I'm a little nervous around him. I want him to know that, and I really don't want to have a mental breakdown in front of him right now, because that'd make him think the exact opposite.

     I realize that Todoroki is staring at me with the smallest of smiles on his face, and confusion must have shown on my face.

     "I haven't heard you mumbling in so long, it's oddly reassuring to hear it again." He tells me.

     "Oh that is so embarrassing, how much did you hear?" My voice just barely wavers as I ask, slightly scared but mostly mortified.

     "None of it really, you've always mumbled way too fast for me to understand a single word of it. It was just nice to know that you haven't changed all that much, even after everything that happened." Todoroki reassures, to my relief.

     I hear the shower turn off in the bathroom and I'm reminded of where we are. Control your breathing. We're just having a conversation.

     "Oh! They'll be here any minute now, we should set up the futon so that everyone will have a place to sleep." I kneel on the floor, pulling it out from under my bed.

     Todoroki joins me in rolling it out and grabbing some pillows from on top of the bean bags. As he's pulling a blanket out of the closet Hitoshi steps out of the bathroom. I let out a quiet exhale of relief, immediately feeling a little better with him here, before even seeing him. I didn't have to, because by now I know what his footsteps sound like and he's the only one who could have come out of the bathroom just now.

     When I turn to look at him I am immediately met with his bare chest and low hanging sweats, with a towel draped over his head. The stress immediately vanishes, my brain temporarily distracted. So pretty.

     "Forgot to grab a shirt." He swipes an oversized band tee from the closet, tossing the towel and pulling it over his head. Somehow, he looks just as good now that he's covered up.

     Just as Todoroki gets the blanket laid out on the futon and Hitoshi hangs his towel back in the bathroom, there's a knock on the door. I answer it, feeling pretty good on my feet.

2016 words.