She May Not Belong to One of Us, but She Belongs to All of Us

Chapter 23

SHADOWS POV

The soft voice pulled me from my mental dilemma. As my brown eyes connected with her amethyst eyes, I knew it was time to apologize. New struggle: how the fuck do I properly apologize?

"Uhh...hi Melissa."

"Hi Shadows."

"I came up here to apologize to you for what happened downstairs. It was completely out of line for me to force myself onto you like that. I just saw you there and I didn't even think to stop myself. In all honesty, I'm man enough to admit that seeing you with Rev makes me jealous. Since the day you have stepped foot in here you two have been attached at the hip. It didn't bother me much in the beginning but once I started seeing you open up and see how funny and what an asshole you are, well I wanted to enjoy that side of you too. As I'm sure you know, none of the girls around her have much in the personality department."

The tiny laugh that slipped between her lips made me feel like there was hope being planted between us. I took a few more tentative steps in the room and then proceeded to take a seat in the plush gray leather chair across from her.

"But I also know that this isn't exactly the type of situation where I can just take what I want."

"What about all of this?"

"All of what?"

With a sweeping gesture of her hand, I understood what she was asking.

"While the riches and mansion and reputation have been amazing, each of the men in this house have had to sacrifice. Not one man in this house is without their own scar. So I guess you can say we each had a different price for all of this too. I may not be able to speak for everyone but speaking for myself, my price was higher than I realized at the time and while it's not fair to you, what happened in that kitchen was an example of what my scars are."

With only a head nod being her response, I wasn't sure where this was or where it was going. Nodding silently myself, I began to rise from the chair prepared to sulk in private. A meek yet determined hand slapped down on my wrist startling me.

"I don't suppose it was an easy thing to come in here and apologize to me. Actually, I'd be willing to bet it was your first instinct to come in here to take whatever you want from me. Yet you didn't and for that I am grateful. Would you like to sit with me?"

I have to send up at least 20 prayers to whatever cosmic motherfucker is up there handing out blessings. I sit my happy ass back down and relax into the very comfortable chair. Her hand clasps tight with mine, intertwining our fingers.

"You know outside of Rev, you were always the one I felt the least afraid of. Not entirely safe around you, but not completely endangered either."

"You mean to tell me with all this muscle you didn't feel safe around me?"

Not to shoot my own pistol, but I liked to think I at least looked like someone who could protect another person let alone a young woman. Apparently this idea was absurd due to the chuckles that she released.

"That's the exact reason I felt unsafe. You could snap my neck with just two fingers and not think twice about it."

For the first time, I was really allowed entry into her thinking whether it was intentional or not. Most women are faced with not knowing if they could trust the man sitting across from them or not. However, they have the option of leaving the date, blocking the guy's number or whatever they felt would be the safest option. This woman was never given that choice. She has been forced to constantly choose which punishment is the one she can live with and through. She has spent her whole entire life on guard, on edge waiting for the next hit or sexual attack. Maybe had I actually spent more time getting to know her instead of trying to get in her panties, I would've come to that realization sooner.

"If you want to have a connection with me, I first suggest talking to me. What is one question you have for me? Nothing is off limits."

My conscious mind wanted to sit back and truly consider what I wanted or needed to know about her. Instead I spouted out the first thing that popped out.

"Why are you so close to Rev?"

The look on her face was unreadable. Not in a hurt way but more like she was lost in confusion.

"He made me promise the first day I got here. It's been so long since that day but he has never broken that promise to me. None of you are what I imagine a mother picks for her daughter to bring home for the holidays but since the first moment he has been there to defend me and listen to me. Between his silly personality and how he makes me feel safe, I had no choice in the matter truthfully."

Her words were strong and they rang through my mind. All of it was true. Rev had never dropped the ball when it came to her. He was patient in helping her, teaching her and watching her grow. Was that what I was missing? My patience never was something I was positively remembered for.

"Is that what I'm doing wrong? Am I not protecting you enough?"

"Shadows you are not Rev and you never can be."

The words stung like a motherfucker. I can respect her bluntness and just ripping the bandaid off but damn if it didn't hurt.

"You can't duplicate the connection Rev and I have. That's because you and I have a connection all our own."

And just like that, my ego was dusted off and back in the game.

"You're funny and very suggestive. You push my boundaries but for the most part you respect my limits. Simply put, Rev always takes account of my past when handling me and that is comforting in a way I didn't expect it to be. You, on the other hand, ignore my past completely. You know well enough not to just drag me in a room and try fucking me but you want me to want you to pull me in a room and fuck me. WIth you I feel like I can develop past my trauma. That is something I truly enjoy. I don't want to be the quiet, meek girl that makes everyone think they have to tiptoe around her. I want to be a bold person who says whatever comes to mind. Or at least I want to be whoever I truly am and I know for a fucking fact that it wasn't that scared little girl. Nobody pulls me out of my shell and makes me feel like a normal human like you do. So no we don't have the chemistry Rev and I have but we have something as entirely its own and unique."

Her words stunned me quiet. The emotions in her eyes matched her words, it showed me she meant every word. Truthfully, I could completely understand what she meant. Life has a cruel and twisted way of changing who you are without so much as a fucking blicker light. Most of the world, myself included, just allows change to happen and never second guess the beast we become. Melissa was different. She isn't just allowing herself to be swallowed by the bullshit and what comes with it. She didn't just resist it, she flipped the bitch two middle fingers and told it to kiss her ass.

And I was a part of that defiance. Sure it was a small part but it made me happy nevertheless. With no words being able to capture what I felt in that moment, I merely squeezed her hand and looked out the window with her. I didn't need to be Rev, I just had to be a better, more patient and kinder version of me.

"Any other questions lingering in that skull of yours?"

Her inviting smile made me feel soft and warm like her face was giving me a hug I didn't know I needed. Simply shaking my head, I reclined the chair, placed my feet up and continued holding the hand of the woman who was changing so much about me in just a few months.