She May Not Belong to One of Us, but She Belongs to All of Us

Chapter 7

The answer he provided hung in the air thick. Rape. It wasn't so much his response, but the words he chose. Rape. I had never called it that before. My father had never called it that before. Of course it's completely true, but when it's never told to you it can be a bit of a shock to hear the actual word. To me it was another cruel facet of my life. An eternal life sentencing for what I had forced my family to go through. As the word and its ramifications plagued my mind, I watched the scenery pass by in almost a blur. I could only get glimpses as we drove. So much land was zooming past us. The land that was once green and sprawling acres, now in the fall the trees drop their dying greens in favor of bright popping oranges and reds. In some ways, I connected to this season. I was shedding one life and morphing into whatever this life holds for me moving forward.

"Well here we are."

Upon hearing that we had arrived, I turned my attention to the windshield to see the car perched on a cliff. The sun was setting and already I could see the nightlights coming alive.

"I know this may seem weird but I just thought maybe this place could bring you some peace. You just had some major life changes in less than 12 hours and that shit is pretty heavy. I figured getting a moment to breathe wasn't asking for too much."

"Why?"

"Well to be honest, I can't relate completely to the experience you're going through but I do know what it's like to be unloved by the very people who are biologically supposed to love you."

I was positive my face read confusion based on the chuckle that burst through his lips.

"I know it may come as a shock but yes even I had parents. They didn't hit me or anything like that but they sure did know how to make words feel like a knife to the stomach. The lies, manipulation and torture they put me through changed me a lot. When I finally turned 18, I made myself a promise that no matter what I would never hurt another human being the way they did me. I may have blood on my hands but I've never taken from the poor and I've always done my fair share of giving back. This world is cold and people like you and me were already dealt a shitty beginning, why in the hell should I go around making it worse for people."

I could only nod and look at the lights as his words mulled around in my head. The idea of a seasoned criminal having a crappy upbringing was pretty much expected. However, the way he chose to channel his trauma was a remarkable feat all in its own. Maybe what my father said wasn't true. Maybe all men weren't as horrible as he said they were. Then again maybe I was just allowing myself to live in a fantasy.

"I just want you to know that I don't want to and won't ever hurt you. You don't have to be scared of me. I can't say that I can protect you from everything, but I can damn well try. If you want, we can head back to the house. I know this is a lot to throw at you."

The words and the emotions they evoked from me were definitely overwhelming me. I nodded my head and leaned back in my seat preparing for the ride home. It would be an unexpectedly short drive before we arrive.

"Oh also as I'm sure nobody told you, typically all the girls around here either sleep in one big room together or they sleep in one of our rooms. I figured both of those situations would be pretty weird for you so I snagged you your own room."

My own actual room. The idea seemed almost crazy to me. What would I do with all the space? The tiny amount of clothes I did have were left at my house. Rev's looming figure began to guide me in what I can guess would be the room that was apparently mine. The walk wasn't long but this mansion is so big you could get lost making one wrong turn. Finally we arrived at a large wooden door painted stark white.

"I know the room is pretty fucking bare but we can totally get you some shit to decorate it. I know women typically get in a big fuss when their rooms aren't the way they want it."

We walked inside and what greeted us was a humongous room. A beautiful, huge king size bed stood against the farthest from the door. Two beautiful enclave doors led out to what I could only assume was a balcony. The walls were painted to match the door, and while it was very impersonal it did give the room a wide open feeling. To the left of the door entering the room was a set of large doors that I can only assume one leads to a closet while the other set to the right leads to a bathroom. On top of the mattress was a silk sheet set that was a mesmerizing pure black. The comforter was a matching black with deep blue swirls adorning it. My jaw went slack at the realization that this room was mine and mine alone. Suddenly my chest swelled with emotions I was unable to contain. How does one truly thank their captor for kindness that has never even been shown by one's own father?

"I know it isn't much but me or one of the guys can get whatever you want or need. And if we aren't around, we have a lady of the house named Amelia. She's usually always around and available to help."

I had no idea what to do with this information. But I knew that in this world nothing came for free, especially not a gift like this. When I was with my father, every once in a blue moon he would buy me a new shirt or pair of pants. However his true motivation behind it was only to make me feel indebted to him, which he would use to force me to act like I enjoyed having sex with him. I may not know Rev that well, or any other man for that point, but I thought it would be better to get the payment over sooner rather than later. I nodded my head with acceptance and began to strip out of my clothes piece by piece.

"Hey. Hey! What are you doing?"

I'm sure the confusion was clear on my face.

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

It was clear to see he was angry at my comment. I had clearly poked at a nerve I didn't know that dangerously close to exploding.

"Maybe for the same reason I told you in the car! Damn bitch I know you're fucked up but you're not fucking stupid! No wonder nobody helped you."

His thunderous words were followed by his footsteps and the door being slammed. In all my years with my father I had never cried very much. To be quite frank I just accepted that that was my past, present and future. Yet in this moment, in this house, in this room, tears began to stream down my face. There was no plan set for the future nor was there a precedent to know what to look forward to in the future. Rev's kind words and this room were the first acts of true kindness I had ever received in my life and right now I know I have completely fucked that up.