𝐼 𝐶𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒

chapter twenty-three

His hands crawl over me in a slow pace, moving inch by inch over my skin. His lips connect with mine in a slow rush, his hands curling around the back of my neck. His hands finally meet where I want them to and my head goes back completely, the pleasure overwhelming me completely.

"Anna" he purrs over my skin, pushing me towards the edge.....

My eyes jolt open, my sleep completely shattered as I sit upright, taking deep breaths. My body felt like it was on fire, heat blooming through my body. I knew I would miss him but I didn't know I would miss him this much to the point where I'm having fantasy dreams about him.

My bedroom door opens and in comes my dad as he turns on the light, his eyes wide in fear.

"Are you okay??" He asked and his eyes are barely open, heavy bags under his eyes.

"Yes dad just...a dream" I shook my head and he nods as he sits on the bed, pulling me into his arms. His embrace is warm and comforting and I sink into it.

"Can you stay?" I ask and he nods, kissing my head. I fall asleep in his arms and don't wake up until the next morning.

I had woken up around eleven in the morning, I was extremely tired but I know if I slept too long I wouldn't get up until much later. I had still felt numb, broken. It had hurt a lot more than expected but I didn't want to cry, I really hoped I didn't need too. I had cried so much I was so tired of feeling weak all the time. Getting up I grabbed some of my old clothes and head into the shower, letting my mind become clear as I sat in the shower, letting the warm water overwhelm me. When I had finally gotten out I had somehow felt much better, clearer.

I head downstairs and find my dad in the kitchen, as always, preparing breakfast. I see a stack of pancakes on the counter and my stomach rumbles from absence, the hungriness overbearing.

"Hungry?" My dad saw me as I reached the bottom of the steps and I nod, taking a seat at the table. He sets a plate with a stack of pancakes and looking at it now I know I can't eat it but my stomach says otherwise. I grab syrup from the fridge and pour it over the top, watching it spread over the fluffy stack of pancakes. Before I dig in I say grace (which I do occasionally when I don't forget) and dig in, letting the hunger overwhelm me. I didn't want to focus on anything else but this food and being here with my dad.

"Honey" he spoke as he sat in front of me, sitting down and folding his hands. He was going to question me and I wasn't sure I was ready for any talk with my dad but I know he was curious.

"Dad..."

"I just...I wanna understand what happened".

I close my eyes as I swallow the lump of food in my mouth, taking a deep breath.

"He's changed...and I don't wanna be with someone whose changed..and not for the better".

"What do you mean-"

"Can we..not please dad? I don't want to talk about him anymore..." My eyes swell up and I feel myself on the verge of tears again and damn I don't want to cry but I can't help but let tears fall, my heart crumbling all over again at the mention of his name.

"I understand". 

Break. We were on a break. As much as it hurt to admit it, we needed a break. I was...a little sad to admit it but sometimes I didn't recognize him, sometimes I was scared he would hurt me. And when he did...I didn't recognize who he was, not in that moment. I missed him more than anything and yet..I wanted nothing to do with him.

"How are you doing, Anna?" Austin asked me and I nodded my head, letting him know I was okay. I didn't need him to be worried about me, not at all.

"I'm okay Austin. Could be better but hey it's whatever" I smile and he nods his head as he turns around and pulls something from out under the counter and hands me a piece of paper.

It was a check..my first check. I had asked him not to give me any checks but to save it all up into one big check and I guess today was the day I got it.

"Do you still want me to save it up?" He asked and I looked at it, wondering how much it was.

Three almost four months of working and my paycheck was more than I thought. I had gotten paid every two weeks, 1,200 to be exact. I hadn't expected that much from such a small shop but Austin continues to surprise me. I had saved up almost ten grand and with that money the possibilities were endless...I didn't want to live on my own....but..I had thought about it..and...it was possible for me..maybe. This whole adult shit is harder than I thought.

"Just um...I don't need it...I guess it can just keep getting stacked up".

He nods and sets it aside, turning towards me.

"So...guess where we're going tonight?" Austin made it his entire mission to make sure I was out more. Yesterday it was the beach and today it's somewhere else.

"Where?".

"The club! I don't drink but if you want to indulge in that alcohol shit I won't stop you" he pumps his fists in the air and I hadn't known he didn't drink.

"Why don't you drink?".

He shrugs sheepishly.

"Stupid shit happens when I drink."

By the look in his eyes I knew he was telling the truth so I didn't push it any further.