*Kians POV*
I think its been about two years since Nicole killed herself.
And... the fact that I'm the cause of my sisters death... has made me a whole different person.
I love my sister. We were really close, but I wish I could've spent more time with her. If I knew what she was going to do that night, I would've stopped it. Or at least made it the best night she's ever had.
But no.
Im a fucking screw up. I got wasted and practically killed my sister. I don't know exactly what I said to her. But i do know that I sent her a picture of sam and some girl making out. I can't believe I did that. I wasn't thinking at all. Well obviously.
But... since then, I've learned to move on, but I've along the way, I've picked up a bad habit...
I drink my problems away.
Every time I think about Nicole I drink to soften the sorrow that is my pain
I miss waking up to her and the guys pranking me or scarring the hell out of me. I know it sounds silly, but it's the little things I miss. Like the Times we would have sibling day, and we would go to the beach just me and her. Or when we would all go out to dinner or to a trampoline park. Where ever we went, whether it was boring or not, she always made it a good time for all of us. But that's all gone. And it'll never come back. Now I wake up every morning feeling like shit. But the worst part is, is that my mind automatically goes back to thinking about Nicole again. Its crazy. People always tell me now that, "You never know how good you have it until its all gone." I know what I had and i never took it for granted.... its just I never thought that I would lose the most important person in my life. Not my girlfriend. Not as much my mom, but my sister. My little sister.
But yeah. Ever since the incident, I've been depressed and I found that when I got wasted, I didnt remember a thing. And it felt kind of good for a change. But always in the back of my head, I knew that I would wake up at some time, and remember... and feel the guilt clogging up my thoughts, my heart and my soul. And this is when I'd repeat the cycle. The never ending cycle.
The guys did tell me time after time that it'll be okay and I should stop drinking away the guilt. But they don't know how good it feels to... hide from your emotions. Its weird I know. But what you dont know, is how much Nicole has changed my life when she...left.
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HEY HAYYY!
New chapter!! thanks for reading and sticking with me and reading each chapter. it means a lot. you don't even know!
Sorry i haven't updated in a while :( Yes i know. I siad I'd update yeaterday, but some important stuff went down that I needed to handle. but ill try harder nxt time! and the next chapter I might reveal who the mystery guy is! so stay tuned:)
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COMMENT!!!
-nicole♡
