My Quiet Place

Chapter 45: Mother

My body froze. And for a moment his light brown eyes were drowning me from reality. I had forgotten who I was, starting up at his. My words had escaped without my knowledge.

My tears rolled down to his hand. I have been here many times before. The worse part is...I don't know how to make my love for him stop.

But I'm not stupid. I try pushing him away. Matteo wouldn't let go. Not saying a word. I hated how his body was so close to mine. I hated that I liked it and there was nothing I could do.

Matteo's eyes hold everything my soul thirst for but can't accept.

Nothing in this world is more difficult than love.

"We can't talk here."

Finally, I could breathe when he let go. My heart was never stable. But I was so angry word's couldn't explain it. "Why can't we talk here? Are you serious Matteo? I'm tired of all these secrets!"

Every time he took a step, I took one back. " I feel like I'm always in your shadow. Every time I ask; what's happening in general you never tell me. I'm sorry but I'm tired Matteo. What happened today...I-I just need to know is there a reason?"

Please let there be a reason.

"I hate seeing you cry."

Blowing through my blood, mingling with my breath and making it hard to breathe.

"Then tell me. Explain. I'm here. Please."

"It's not that easy." He says to me, his voice so low, I have to strain to hear it. "What's not easy Matteo." His left hand threaded in my hair, his right wrapped around me. "I wish...I could just disappear with you," he says, his words a husky whisper against my ear.

I

Am

On

Fire.

His brow cleared, and his eyes turned to honeyed fire as they drifted down to my lips, which, I noted, were now parted. It was like my body was this traitor, acting without my brain's permission. Especially considering what I was thinking earlier, that annoying voice tried to interject. Are you seriously going to let hormones get the best of you when there are important things to consider?

But when Matteo dipped his head down and pressed his mouth to mine, his rough stubble scratching against my chin most deliciously, my brain shut up entirely. His arms wrapped around my waist, cinching me to him, and I put my hands in his hair, feeling the silken strands between my fingers.

It's like swimming in molasses, this kiss, it's like being dipped in gold, this kiss, it's like I'm diving into an ocean of emotions and I'm too swept up in the current. I'm drowning and nothing even matters anymore. Not my head which seems not to hurt, not this room that isn't entirely mine, not this war we're supposed to be fighting, not my worries about who or what I am and what I might become.

This moment. These lips. This strong body pressed against me and these firm hands finding a way to bring me closer and I know I want so much more of him, I want all of him, but what I want most is understanding him.

I can't do this as much as I want to.

"I— can't. Matteo, please" warm tears slip from my eyes. "I want the truth. I love you so much...But you're making it so hard to hold on when you're not giving me anything to hold onto."

He softly pulls my arm and leads me over to the bed. "Matteo—"

I notice the tiny red glowing chip beside the bed, which causes my eyes to enlarge. My gaze returns to him. How?