Bonding and Bite Marks

An Empty Space

He knew he wasn't being fair. He'd committed to John. Mated him. It was a step he'd never been able to take with the younger alpha at his bedside. Despite that, he felt a painful longing. An ache that ran so deep he didn't think it would ever go away. How can I give all of myself to my mate when I keep looking back? The boy in the picture stared back at him with a gentle expression. That's why I said it's time...You don't need me anymore. Lin's jaw tightening as he reached for the picture, holding it against his chest. I'll never not need you...

Lin's eyes widened slightly as a thud sounded in the hall outside. The picture slid from his chest and onto the bed as he jumped to his feet. He left the wooden frame forgotten as he hurried out into the small hallway to find John just pushing himself up to his bare knees. He was wearing his tight black pants, but nothing else. A light sheen of sweat coated his pale skin. The scent of his heat lingered, calling Lin to his side. Lin hurriedly crouched beside him and rested a hand on his clammy shoulder. John looked sheepish as he raised his head.

"I didn't mean to disturb you," he apologised as Lin examined his pale body. He was obviously still hot, and more than a little fatigued. His knees were slightly red from the fall, and his unbound forearm was also slightly burned from the carpet. "I was trying to get to the bathroom." He allowed Lin to help him to his feet. It was troublingly easy. It still surprised Lin how light he was. He'd thought so on a few occasions. He could probably carry him under one arm. He walked John to the bathroom, despite his protests that he'd be fine. He then waited outside and guided him back to his room.

"Do you need anything?" Lin followed him into the room to check that everything was alright. He recoiled at the heat of the small space. No wonder he's unsteady. I'll definitely need to get this sorted. He handed John a bottle of water. John shook his head as he settled on the bunched up blanket, cradling the bottle of water against his flushed skin. His eyes were already closing as Lin breathed out a fond sigh and backed out of the stifling room. I'll need to keep a closer eye on him this month and make sure he's eating properly. He was already planning high calorie meals as he returned to his room.

His heart twinged as he noticed the black photo frame that he'd carelessly tossed face down on the duvet. He hurried over and lifted it, stroking his fingers apologetically over the smooth glass surface. He felt bad. Usually, he would have taken the time to carefully return the picture to its rightful place. Hearing John's stumble in the hall had drawn his attention with such urgency he'd simply dropped the frame without a second thought.

"Sorry..." he murmured as he looked at the boy staring back at him. There was no resentment in his gaze, the gentle face forever frozen in a lost moment of happiness. It was one of the last pictures ever taken. He'd been sixteen, almost seventeen. About to travel to Japan for the first time since his adoption to study and track down his relatives. Naru hadn't shared his interest. Lin had been too busy with his own studies and Naru's education to accompany him. If I'd only gone with you when you asked...It was a pointless thought. At the time, he'd decided Naru was his priority, and that his brother would be better off at a distance. Alphas couldn't mate. It was better for him to distance himself and meet new people. New potential mates.

Lin returned to his place lying on the bed, balancing the picture on his chest with one hand so that he could gaze at the innocent face. He missed the gentle touches. The warmth of his body curled against him at night. The warm breath on his chest. The quiet whispers exchanged in secrecy. He even missed his scent, a toxic haze that both of them hated. As Alphas, they weren't supposed to mate. They weren't supposed to feel attraction. Their bodies rejected each other, but their hearts had yearned for acceptance. They'd overpowered every instinct to fall into each other's arms.

Naru's heats had been the worst. His heat would inevitably set off their ruts. It would be a week of teeth and nails, leaving trails of blood and fire across their skin, and seeping deep into their bodies. Afterwards would come tears and apologies. Gentle kisses and wrapping bandages. The younger alpha had always taken it far worse than Lin. He would cry and apologise, clinging to his neck and making it almost impossible to bandage him. Had Naru's parents been home that often, they may have noticed the shared marks and worrying closeness of their son and their young assistant.

It had felt wrong at first. Disgusting even. They'd grown up together. Lin had helped raise the boys since they'd been two years old. There was a ten-year gap between them. The young alpha had barely been legal. He hadn't been legal at the very beginning. He'd never imagined the depth of his feelings. He hadn't seen it coming. He hadn't realised it until their lips were pressed together, desperately seeking acceptance. Lin had turned him away at first, but the gentle smiles and feather light touches had worn him down. Then one day he was gone. Really gone.

He relived the moment most nights. He'd been in bed, not quite sleeping yet. It had been a long day, helping Naru to control his powers and suppress the urge to use them. Collecting lab results for about five different experiments. Writing research papers. He'd spent hours poring over articles before finally putting them aside to sleep. He'd smelled Naru's distress before his door had been flung open and the whole room had shaken. He'd never seen Naru look like that before. His skin had been absolutely ashen. Blue eyes dead. Bottom lip quivering. Throat jumping as he swallowed bile, and as soon as he'd reached his room, he'd lost all strength. Lin had gathered him against his chest and heard the fatal words. He couldn't doubt Naru when he said it. The boys were twins. They'd always had a deep bond. One that went beyond physical and emotional. When Naru said his brother was dead, he believed him.

The first weeks had been draining. He'd had to put on a front outside his room. Naru would never say it, but he desperately needed support. His parents, as usual, were busy people. Lin was his primary support. At night, when he was sure Naru was sleeping, he'd allowed himself to fall apart. He was always back together by morning. He'd made sure they both ate. At first Naru had refused, having no appetite. He wasn't sure why, but one long look had finally had him taking small bites. It was a week after that day that Lin had finally looked himself in the face. His dark eyes had died. Deep, dark circles had surrounded them. His skin had been an unhealthy shade, almost grey, his dark locks making him look even more drawn.

The funeral came and went. Lin slowly pulled himself back together. It was strange, having a funeral without a body, but there was no need to delay. Naru's word was enough for everyone. Naru and Lin had become inseparable. He wouldn't leave his side for an instant, and Lin felt the same way. He could barely cope with Naru being out of his sight during his heats. He wasn't a replacement for Gene, not for either of them. They'd just been overcome with desperation not to lose each other. They'd wanted to keep each other safe.

One day, Naru had broached the subject. He wanted to find him. He wanted his brother's body in a grave where it belonged, not lost on some foreign island miles from the home they'd known for so long. Lin had sensed his desperation. He'd do it alone if necessary. He didn't have to. Lin agreed. It wasn't right for someone so pure, innocent, and kind to be left lost and abandoned. His soul was likely out there somewhere, waiting to be found. It had been around a year since he'd died now. Almost a year of searching, and they were still no closer. Lin took a breath. I'm past this. Tears pricked his eyes despite his firm insistence. He hadn't cried since they'd first arrived in Japan. He wasn't about to start again now. He'd promised himself.

"Good night..." Lin murmured as he finally rolled over and replaced the picture at his bedside, where it stared down at him warmly. After a few moments, he closed his eyes. He knew sleeping would be difficult that night. Between his grim thoughts about his past love and his constant thoughts about his current mate, Lin couldn't get his mind to quiet. Even now, he was listening for any sound in the hall outside, sensing John's slightly restless state. He was a little frustrated, but not enough to need help. It's going to be a long night.